


Tell Me Why

by kyjr



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band), Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, M/M, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-12
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-29 07:17:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1002527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyjr/pseuds/kyjr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tell Me Why (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/)**natsuki_suzu**

The crystal figure atop the fireplace went flying, crashing into a thousand tiny pieces as it landed on the floor. The small body which now lay at the foot of the fireplace gasped, attempting to stand. Blood dripped onto the rug beneath his hands, his hair was matted and his eye sported a large purplish-yellow bruise. He would have been breathtakingly beautiful, were it not for the scars which ran up and down his body, marring the skin beneath his clothes.

He looked up, blood clouding his vision, at the figure towering above him. There was a blank look on the other's face as he gripped his arms and pulled him up, effortlessly throwing him into the opposite wall. There was a crunch as something gave way, and the smaller man whimpered.

"Get up," he ordered, but the other just closed his eyes tighter, pressing himself into the floor. "Tatsuya."

The man - Tatsuya - made no move, but fisted his hands into the rug beneath him, breathing heavily. The other made a sound of annoyance, moving forward and launching a kick at his stomach. Tatsuya groaned, curling in on himself, and choking back a sob as he kicked him again.

"Please, stop..." Tatsuya choked out, as the man once again lifted him and faced him. He looked into his cold brown eyes, bereft of emotion. The eyes of the one he loved. "Tomohisa..."

"Don't you 'Tomohisa' me," he spat, before letting Tatsuya go and watched him crumple to the floor.

Tatsuya watched him leave the room, his copper hair tipped with blood covering his eyes. The door slammed as Tomohisa left first the room, then the house, but Tatsuya lay there, trying to catch his breath. After a while, he struggled up, pushing the fringe out of his eyes, and carefully made his way to the bathroom. He grimaced as he saw his reflection, blue and black bruises covering his face, and sighed, bringing a hand up to wipe the blood from the side of his mouth.

Tatsuya quickly got to work, awkwardly wrapping a bandage around his left wrist and securing it tightly. He wet a small towel, hissing as he carefully wiped at the blood on his lip, moving to the cuts on his arms. Tomohisa had let him off lightly today, he mused, as he gingerly peeled his shirt off and inspected the damage. There were mainly bruises dotting his body, the odd scratch or scrape here and there. Besides his wrist, which he assumed was just sprained, it wasn't as bad as his usual episodes.

Tatsuya sighed, and gently lifted up his hair, placing another bandage onto the wound on the back of his skull. He pressed down the edges, closing his eyes as if to close off the pain. But suddenly tears were building up and he found himself on the bathroom floor, crying, sobs racking his body.

The most upsetting thing was that he didn't feel it anymore. He didn't feel the punches, the kicks. Everything was so mechanical now - after Tomohisa would leave, Tatsuya would make his way to the bathroom and patch himself up. He hated the way it was close to normal, when he knew it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be normal for the one you love to beat you.

Tatsuya sat back up, resting against the shower. He wiped his tears away, sighing, and stood, glaring at his helpless reflection in the mirror. He made sure he looked as presentable as he could before leaving the bathroom, walking down the hallway to the kitchen. He wrapped a bag of ice from the freezer in a teatowel, before pressing it to his face, hissing as it touched his bruised eye.

Tatsuya wrote a mental note to himself as he knelt down in the living room, cleaning up the broken pieces of the glass figure carefully.

If he wanted to say hello to the sweet boy who worked at the corner store anymore, he would have to be ready to face the consequences.

　

\--end of prologue


	2. Tell Me Why (Chapter 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/)**natsuki_suzu**  

Nishikido Ryo led an ordinary life. He woke up at six every morning to get to work by nine. He had a good job; he had two brothers and a sister; he didn't like spiders. He was the head of his company, importing and exporting goods to and from Japan. He had a nice, large house, with two stories and a decent backyard. He rather liked his life.

Ryo walked down the road, dressed in his suit and tie, coming home from work. He was headed for the little corner store, to buy his dinner, as he was just too tired to make his own. The store was owned by a tall, lanky man, who was incredibly friendly and loved to make small talk. Ryo nodded a hello to him - Koyama, if he remembered right - and walked down the aisles, humming to himself.

He caught his reflection in the glass of one of the refrigerator doors, and clicked his tongue. His black hair was ruffled, his dark eyes had large bags underneath them. His shirt was untucked on one side and his tie was loose around his neck. He looked a mess. Oh well.

Ryo's little basket was getting quite heavy as he loaded it with the food he would need for the week ahead. Even though he was tired, he supposed he should probably stock up now, so he wouldn't have to make trips all through the week. He tried and failed to hide a yawn, as he rounded the corner.

But suddenly his basket was flying, knocked out of his hands by another person coming around the same corner. Ryo fell to the floor, arm catching on the shelf painfully. He heard the other person collapse next to him, crying out in pain as they landed on their wrist.

Ryo massaged his own arm as he sat up, quickly moving to help the other up. "Are you okay?" he asked. "I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention--" Ryo paused, as the other flinched away from his touch.

"I'm fine," the other - a man - said, looking up. And in that moment, cliched as it may sound, Ryo swore his breath caught in his throat. The man was beautiful, high cheekbones and honey-coloured hair. He had fair skin, and beautiful lips that were twisted into an uncomfortable expression.

But Ryo's eyes were focused on the man's own. Large and brown as they may be, one had an ugly purple-blue bruise around it. He must have been staring, because the man averted his gaze and shifted so that his fringe covered it just so.

"Um. Are you alright?" Ryo tried again, holding a hand out. The other ignored it, standing up on his own and dusting himself off.

"I'm fine," he repeated firmly. "Just tripped."

"I see that. Did I do... that?" Ryo had to ask. The man looked at him, rather surprised, before shaking his head.

"No, I was hit with a tennis ball," he answered, stooping to pick up his groceries. "The kids around my home aren't too careful."

Ryo chuckled. "I know what you mean. I'm Nishikido Ryo," he added, following him around the store.

"Ueda Tatsuya," he said, finally turning and smiling slightly. "Uh. Sorry about... before."

"No, it's fine," Ryo said quickly, but Ueda just shook his head.

"I'm clumsy. It happens all the time," he said. The two had moved to the checkout, now, where Koyama was standing, looking rather worried.

"What happened back there?" he asked. Ryo didn't miss the way Ueda jumped at the sound of his voice, averting his eyes quickly. "Did you two fall or something?"

"More or less," Ryo supplied, curious as to why Ueda was acting like that. What had sweet Koyama done to him, to make him act this way?

"Well, are you okay?" he asked, scanning Ueda's groceries. He nodded. "I haven't seen you in a while, Ueda, where've you been?" Koyama tried again, still not getting a response.

Until, "What's the time?"

Ryo checked his watch. Even Koyama paused in his work. "Ten to six."

Ueda's eyes widened. "I have to go."

"But I haven't finished here--"

"I'll pay for the things you've done," Ueda interrupted, thrusting the correct change into Koyama's hands. "I'm sorry, nice to meet you," he bowed to Ryo, frantically grabbing the bags Koyama had already packed and rushing out the door.

Ryo and Koyama just stood there, staring at the closing door. "What was all that about?" Ryo muttered to himself, but Koyama seemed to have heard it.

"No idea," he said, "but he always does that. Maybe he's missing out on something? I don't know, not my place I suppose."

Ryo just nodded absentmindedly, eyes still focused on the door.

 

>>><<<

 

Ueda Tatsuya had not left his mind. Whenever he had spare time, he would find himself thinking of the other, especially that bruise on his face. He knew it wasn't any of his business - he didn't even know the other - but he couldn't help it.

He hadn't seen the other in a week. Ryo didn't know why he kept thinking of him, it was ridiculous. All he knew about the other was his name.

And why did he run like that when he had found out the time? Why did he flinch when Koyama spoke to him? Why did he jerk away from Ryo's hand when he had only tried to help him up?

Koyama kept asking him if he had seen Ueda since that day. Apparently, he hadn't come back, and he usually came each day. For some reason, it worried Ryo. It seemed to worry Koyama, too, because every so often he would peer out of the window, as if hoping to see Ueda walking down the road towards the store.

Two weeks later, he was sick of it. He was sick of looking up the road, wondering if Ueda was going to be at the store that day. He was sick of seeing his face at night, pale and bruised, eyes blank as he stared into Ryo's own. He was sick of thinking about him all the time.

So one Thursday afternoon, after sending his secretary to go fetch him coffee - black, one sugar. Oh, and one of those cookies with the smiley faces made out of smarties - he dialed a number he hadn't had to use in years.

"Hello, this is Tegoshi," a familiar voice answered. Ryo smiled.

"Hey Tesshi," was all he said, before the other made a small sound of excitement.

"Ryo? Ryo, is that you?"

Ryo laughed. "Yes, it's me. I know I haven't called in a while--"

"Two years--"

"--but I need your help."

"Of course you do," Tegoshi said, voice rather bitter.

"Don't act like that, Yuya," he said, in his most convincing voice. He could practically hear Tegoshi's resolve slip away.

"Oh fine," he sighed. "What do you need?"

"I... well, I need some information on one Ueda Tatsuya," Ryo said, coughing a little. Tegoshi was silent. "Are you angry at me or just--"

"Shush, working."

"Okay." Ryo spun around in his office chair, swinging his legs as Tegoshi's silence was only punctuated by the faint sounds of his keyboard clicking away. His secretary came back, smiling at him and placing his coffee and cookie in front of him. She left, sipping her own coffee and closing the door behind her.

"Done," Tegoshi said, finally.

"What'd you find out?" he asked, breaking the cookie into smaller pieces.

"He's twenty eight years old," Tegoshi began. Ryo grunted. "His mother and father live in Okinawa. Currently, he lives with his boyfriend... a Yamashita Tomohisa - oh, they live near you. Just around the corner, number fifty nine. You know the place?"

Ryo did. It wasn't 'just around the corner', as Tegoshi had said. It was up the road, turn left, and it was the third house, the one with the large front garden and grand exterior. "Yeah," he muttered.

Tegoshi continued. "Do you want to know about his birthplace, what his parents do...?"

"No."

"Okay. It says here that he's unemployed - he has been for about four years. Must be living off his boyfriend. It's alright for some, eh?" Tegoshi chuckled, but Ryo felt his insides twist. It must have been the coffee. Not the fact that Ueda had some boyfriend who let him use his money, let him live in such a beautiful, expensive place.

He sounded like the perfect boyfriend.

And Ryo felt like a stalker.

"Okay, that's enough," he interrupted, as Tegoshi had started rattling off Ueda's childhood friends. "Thanks."

"No problem, Ryo," Tegoshi said, and Ryo could hear the smile in his voice. "Just... call sometime. Massu worries about you."

"Yeah, and you don't," Ryo scoffed. Tegoshi laughed. "Alright, I'd better be going. I'm still at work."

"Okay. Bye, Ryo."

Ryo put the reciever down, feeling worse than he had before. He went through the rest of the day feeling like a criminal, as though he had breached some sort of confidentiality. Which he did, he supposed. He had called up an IT expert, getting him to rifle through Ueda's past. What was wrong with him?

 

>>><<<

 

"You did _what?_ " Kame shrieked, leaping to his feet. Jin gently took his wrist, pulling him back down onto Ryo's couch.

Ryo slumped forward, head in his hands. "I know," he mumbled.

Jin sighed. "You're creepy, you know that?"

"Mm," Ryo muttered, sighing. Kame clicked his tongue.

"I can't believe it," he said. "I can't--"

"I think he gets the point," Jin murmured. Kame sighed.

"What're you going to do?" Kame asked, side leaning against Jin.

"About?"

"With all the information you gained," he said, looking at Ryo like he had done the worst thing in the world.

"I don't know. Nothing, I suppose," Ryo said. "It... I just needed to know."

 _"Needed to know?_ " Kame snapped back, "What're you talking about?"

"Just-- let's just just drop it, okay?" Jin said quietly, entwining his fingers with Kame's. "Calm down," he whispered, turning to his boyfriend. Kame sighed, once again, but kept quiet.

Jin and Kame had been Ryo's friends for years - ever since high school, when Jin had asked to borrow Ryo's pen and didn't give it back. He still hadn't. Kame was one of those people who just appear in your life without you really noticing until one day you're friends, sitting next to each other and sharing lunches. Ryo hadn't found out until three months later that 'Kame' wasn't actually his name - it was Kamenashi.

Their relationship had been obvious to Ryo from the beginning. There were all these glances, small touches he could see from the corner of his eye. He didn't know whether or not they were trying to hide it, or whether they weren't sure what they had was beyond friendship.

Either way, the news of their relationship came as no surprise to Ryo. They never really said anything about it - suddenly they were holding hands and hugging and touching each other. And then, seven months ago, Kame moved in with Jin. Ryo just kind of assumed about their relationship.

Not that he really cared. He liked that they had found someone to love. And they suited each other so well, their personalities very different. But that was why they worked, Ryo thought.

Kame stood up, smiling down at Jin before moving to the kitchen. "Coffee?" he called.

Whilst Kame was making their coffee (in Ryo's own kitchen), Jin leant forward. "So, when's that big conference?" he asked, trying to divert Ryo's attention away from Ueda Tatsuya.

Ryo looked up from staring blankly at the coffee table. "Uh, the end of July," he answered. Jin nodded.

"Where're you going again?"

"America somewhere," Ryo said. "For a few weeks. Don't worry, you'll live without me," he laughed. Jin just smiled.

"Yeah, we'll manage somehow."

　

\--end of chapter 1


	3. Tell Me Why (Chapter 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/)**natsuki_suzu**

Ryo had almost forgotten about Ueda. He hadn’t seen him since that day at the store, and work had been busy, so he was almost driven from his mind. Koyama had even stopped asking about him, readily slipping into an easier conversation – how are you finding the weather; how was your day; that’s a nice tie.

He was driving home one night, exhausted and his eyes aching, when he saw him again. Ueda was hunched over, arms loaded with bags from the store and eyes on the ground as he walked. But it was unmistakably him – that copper hair of his gave him away immediately.

Ryo was about to just drive right past; was about to ignore him and just continue on home, but he couldn’t. He found himself pulling over, the car whining to a stop on the curb. Ueda turned, quickly bringing a hand up to shield his eyes from the headlights of the car, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to work out who was inside.

Ryo took a deep breath before opening the door and giving Ueda a small wave. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked, waiting for some sign that Ueda recognised him. But he didn’t get the dawning expression and smile that he was expecting. Instead, Ueda’s eyes widened and he took a step back, quickly gathering himself and giving Ryo a sharp nod, turning and heading up the hill. “Wait!” Ryo called after him, making sure the car wouldn’t roll back down the hill before following him.

“What do you want?” Ueda snapped, glancing at his watch quickly. “I have to get home.”

Ryo rushed forward, grabbing onto Ueda’s elbow. He didn’t miss the way Ueda froze, before trying to pull his arm free. “Are you okay?”

Ueda paused, looking at him incredulously. “Right now?” he asked. “Right now I’m not okay. Because I have some stranger who I’ve only met once clinging onto my arm, asking if I’m alright!” Ueda wrenched his arm out of Ryo’s grasp, anger and frustration evident on his face. “What is wrong with you?”

Ueda groaned as one of his bags split, the contents falling to the pavement and rolling down the hill. “Here, I’ll help you,” Ryo said, already rushing after a stray orange, and ignoring Ueda’s cry of protest. Ueda sighed, and crouched down, collecting the groceries that hadn’t broken. Ryo was panting slightly as he ran back up, and Ueda took the orange back with a disgruntled expression.

“Thanks,” he muttered, stuffing it back into one of the other bags. “I’m going now,” he said, standing up after making sure none of the other bags would break. “Please don’t follow me.”

“I wasn’t following you,” Ryo said quickly, “I wasn’t. I was just—well, I was just worried,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. Ueda’s eyes were flicking down to his watch again. It was rather distracting; Ryo wished he would stop doing that.

“Why were you worried?”

“Because…of the other day,” Ryo said, completely forgetting that ‘the other day’ was actually three weeks ago. That was possibly why Ueda was just staring at him blankly. “You were acting strange, and—“

Ueda’s face was suddenly devoid of all emotion. “Thankyou for your concern,” he said, bowing slightly, “but I have to go now.”

“No, wait—“ Ryo took a hold of Ueda’s arm again, but this time he ignored the way Ueda gasped and flinched away from his touch. “Please.” Ryo didn’t know what he was saying. He didn’t know why he wanted Ueda to stay so badly. He didn’t even know what he was going to say after ‘please’.

Ueda shook his head furiously. “I have to go,” he repeated, “Let me go, I have to—"

“Why? Where are you going? It’s almost six o’clock in the evening, don’t you—"

“You don’t understand!” Ueda exclaimed, fire in his eyes. “I have to get home before—"

But then Ryo was wrenched away, landing on his back against the sidewalk, the wind knocked out of him. He looked up in shock, a tall man standing above him and shielding Ueda behind him. “Tatsuya, are you okay?” the man asked, turning to the other and cupping his face in his hands sweetly. Ueda nodded.

“I’m fine, Tomo.”

He must be the boyfriend, Ryo assumed. He got to his feet, albeit a little shakily, and stood to the side, unsure of what to do next. Ueda was being fussed over by his boyfriend, clearly embarrassed by the affection, and averting his gaze. The boyfriend was checking him over, running his hands through Ueda’s hair and over his shoulders, as if Ryo had hurt him.

“Tomo, really, he didn’t do anything,” Ueda said softly, placing a hand on the others’ elbow. He didn’t look convinced, but he let his arms drop, and turned back to Ryo.

“What were you doing?” he asked, voice calm but eyes angry.

Ryo paused. “I… I just saw him here; thought he needed some help.”

Ueda nodded. “…One of the bags split – see, here – and there was food rolling everywhere. And so he stopped and helped me out,” he explained, showing his boyfriend the bag. He kept his eyes on Ryo’s, dark and rather suspicious, but he smiled at Ueda, nodding.

“Alright then,” he said, reaching for the other bags. “Let’s go home?” he asked, and Ueda smiled. “Thanks for looking after Tatsuya,” he added as an afterthought, taking Ueda’s hand in his.

“No problem,” Ryo said distractedly. This was turning out to be a very strange night.

The boyfriend tugged on Ueda’s hand, and led him back to his car, which he had parked right behind Ryo’s own. Ryo watched on as they left, speeding away up the hill without a glance back at him.

Ryo shook his head, climbing back into his own car and rubbing his eyes. He just sat there for a while, hands on the steering wheel and looking out through the windscreen, wondering what the hell just happened.

Ueda hadn’t looked very lovingly at his boyfriend.

He had looked scared.

 

>>><<<

 

Tatsuya’s head barely missed the corner of the coffee table as he was thrown to the floor. Tomohisa towered above him, his eyes sharp and full of anger. “Tomohisa, nothing happened,” Tatsuya said, hating the way his voice wavered. But Tomohisa wasn’t listening, and he grabbed the collar of Ueda’s shirt, pulling him up.

“Stop talking,” he hissed, voice full of venom. Tatsuya looked into Tomohisa’s eyes, so close to his own, but found nothing there; he wasn’t the person Tatsuya loved right now. And just like that, Tatsuya shut down, just waiting for the first punches to land on his body.

They came soon after, blows to his stomach, his shoulders, his face. It was one of the punches to his face that sent him flying, crashing into the coffee table and bashing the back of his head against the wood.

“I told you not to talk to other men,” Tomohisa grunted, lifting Tatsuya up almost effortlessly by the shoulders, slamming him into the wall. Tatsuya coughed, light flecks of blood painting the wall as he was forced against it, Tomohisa’s hand against his spine, holding him there. “I told you, Tatsuya.”

“It—It wasn’t my fault,” Tatsuya wheezed, Tomohisa placing his other hand on the back of his head and pressing him into the wall. “He came out of nowhere.”

“You’re not going anywhere outside without me anymore.” Tomohisa jerked, and pulled Tatsuya off the wall, pushing him down to the floor and slapping him across the face. Tatsuya fell to the side, but Tomohisa grabbed his hair and dragged him back up, holding him there as he sent kicks to his stomach. Tatsuya doubled over, but Tomohisa wrenched his head back up, bending down to kiss him harshly, biting upon his bottom lip and making it bleed. He let Tatsuya collapse back down, stepping over his exhausted body and leaving the room.

As always, Tatsuya made sure Tomohisa wasn’t coming back before he moved again. Who knew what Tomohisa would do if he came back to see Tatsuya standing, dusting himself off from their encounter.

When he finally did move, his entire body screamed at him, and he paused, reaching for the wall to steady himself. His head was swimming, his vision fuzzy and unfocused. His breaths were coming in short gasps, and he held a hand to his chest, grasping his shirt as if it could take the pain away.

But then there were those tears again, falling down his cheeks. Tatsuya slid to the floor, drawing his knees to his chest and hiding his face, sobs racking his body as the tears kept on falling.

They just wouldn’t stop. He needed to get up; needed to clean himself up; needed to patch up that cut on his lower back from when he fell on the table. But he couldn’t find the strength within him to stand back up. Couldn’t find the strength to stare at his battered reflection in the mirror again.

But still, he unsteadily got to his feet, making his way to the bathroom not a second too soon. Tatsuya held his stomach, shaking as he vomited into the toilet bowl, every part of his body aching as he heaved.

He sat back, drawing a hand over his mouth and grimacing at the aftertaste. Tatsuya used the sink to pull himself up, flushing the toilet and turning to eye himself in the mirror. Huh. He hadn’t even noticed the blood running down his chin. He splashed his face with water, trying unsuccessfully to rid his face of the dried tears, and tugged at his hair, attempting to straighten it. Tomohisa had always loved to pull his hair.

Tatsuya missed Tomohisa. He missed the man who would kiss his forehead every morning; who would play with Tatsuya’s fingers when they were watching a movie and he was bored. He missed being able to proudly say that Tomohisa was his boyfriend.

He hated being scared of him

 

>>><<<

  
“And then what?” Kame asked, sitting on the edge of his seat, eager to hear the rest of the story.

“Then his boyfriend bundled him into the car and they took off,” Ryo finished, sighing.

“Kame, calm down,” Jin laughed, ruffling his hair as he sat next to his boyfriend. “It wasn’t that interesting.”

“Hey!”

“Well, it wasn’t. So you stalked some guy – in the dark, might I add – and then you grab him, asking him repeatedly if he’s alright? And then,” Jin continued, counting on his fingers, “Then you break his shopping bags, steal his oranges, grab him again, and then his boyfriend turns up and yells at you.”

“I didn’t break his shopping bags!” Ryo squawked indignantly. “And I gave that orange back, okay!”

“Oh, details,” Jin waved his hand in front of his face. “Point being – you’re being really creepy about this guy, Ryo.”

“I know,” Ryo said, holding his head in his hands. “Should I just let this drop?”

Jin was nodding before he had even finished his sentence. “Yes.”

Kame turned, shocked. “But—no! You can’t give up, Ryo. None of this makes sense,” he said, grasping onto Jin’s arm.

“What d’yo—"

“You said he looked fearful, right?” Kame asked, looking wide-eyed between Ryo and Jin. Ryo nodded slowly.

“I think that was just because his boyfriend came out of nowhere; I didn’t even hear his car pull up—"

Kame shook his head. “Something else is up. It just… doesn’t sound right.”

“Hmm? How do you mean?” Jin asked, slinging his arm around Kame’s shoulders and drawing him closer. “Come here; calm down,” he murmured soothingly. Kame was close to shaking, tears gathering in his eyes as he held onto Jin’s hand as though it were his lifeline.

“Kame?” Ryo asked, bewildered. “What’s happening?”

Jin was running his hand up and down Kame’s arm, bringing him closer and pressing his lips to his hair. He shook his head at Ryo, asking him silently to be quiet, and Ryo shut his mouth. “What do you mean, Kame?”

“I mean… it doesn’t make sense. Why would he be scared of the person he loves?” Kame asked, fisting his shirt in his hand. “And… you said he had a black eye the last time you saw him—"

“He said it was from a tennis ball,” Ryo interrupted, but he slowly understood where Kame was coming from. “You think the boyfriend is hitting him?” he asked in surprise. Kame nodded.

“When I was little – shush Jin, I can do this,” Kame started, laying a hand atop Jin’s knee as he went to protest, “When I was little I had a friend who lived right next door to our apartment. Our rooms were right beside each other. I remember waking up, hearing thumps from his room… I didn’t know what was happening, of course, but my parents told me later. He was always covered in bruises; tried to hide them with long sleeves,” he explained, and Jin’s grip tightened on his hand. “It’s okay, Jin. He left, after a while. They never told me where.”

Ryo was horrified. “Why… why didn’t you tell me this before?” he asked carefully. It had obviously hurt Kame deeply.

“You never asked,” Kame shrugged. “But Ryo,” he said, leaning forward once more, “Promise me you won’t let this drop.”

“What?” Jin said, surprised. “Why?”

But Kame’s jaw was set, his eyes dark and determined. “No-one should ever have to go through that. It’s disgusting; it’s horrible. He shouldn’t be hurt by his own boyfriend.

“I just—Ryo please,” Kame said, expression so open and earnest that Ryo just had to hear him out, “Just… next time you see him? Try to make sure he doesn’t have any bruises.”

Jin was staring at Kame, but Kame wasn’t allowing Ryo to break their eye contact until he promised. “Fine,” Ryo sighed, taking a long drink of the beer in front of him, “I’ll try.

 

>>><<<

 

The next time Ryo saw Ueda was that Saturday. It was around noon, and Ryo was back at Koyama’s store, perusing the aisles for soy sauce that he just couldn’t find anywhere. He should tell Koyama that he needed to be more organised. He threw a punnet of strawberries into his basket, grimacing at the price but leaving it at that, turning in time to see Ueda lift up a bunch of bananas and examine them closely.

He was about to open his mouth and say hello - maybe apologise for the other night – but then Ueda set the bananas into his basket and looked around, silently calling someone over. The boyfriend appeared, nodding at Ueda’s choice, and the two continued shopping.

Ryo slipped a hand into his pocket, fingering the piece of paper in his pocket. Kame had written Ryo’s phone number down on the back of a Chinese takeout menu, ripping it and ordering Ryo to give it to Ueda when he next saw him. Ryo had refused, but somehow he hadn’t thrown it out.

And then he remembered his promise to Kame, and his stomach dropped. He couldn’t very well just go over there, asking Ueda if he had any bruises. Ryo wouldn’t be surprised if Ueda called the police on him if he ever spoke to him again, really.

It was the boyfriend who noticed him first, recognition flooding his face and drawing Ueda closer, even though the other wasn’t even paying attention. But the hand on his elbow made him turn, and he looked straight at Ryo, rather wide-eyed.

“You’re the guy from the other night, am I wrong?” the boyfriend said, moving over to where Ryo was standing stock-still.

“Uuh, yes.”

“Yamashita Tomohisa,” he said, holding a hand out for Ryo to shake. He took it carefully, feeling nothing but hostility from this Yamashita.

“Nishikido Ryo,” he said, and Yamashita nodded. Ryo couldn’t help but notice how his hand went right back to Ueda’s elbow, as if making sure he were still there. As if he were keeping there, anchoring him down with just one touch.

Ueda bowed his head in acknowledgement, looking rather fed up. He kept eyeing the door; the other customers; the food on the shelves behind them. Yamashita tapped his elbow, and he snapped to attention again, fiddling with the food already in their basket. “We’re shopping,” was all he said.

Ryo nodded. The atmosphere was almost suffocating. Yamashita’s eyes were boring into Ryo’s own, practically staring him down. Ueda was still shuffling his feet, trying to find anything but Ryo or Yamashita to rest his eyes upon. Ryo wanted out of that conversation – if you could really call it that – but Yamashita wasn’t letting him leave so easily.

Ryo clucked his tongue, about to snap and say something he would probably regret later (it happened quite often), but he stopped himself just in time. Yamashita was talking, but it was just white noise to Ryo. His eyes were focused on Ueda’s wrist, away from Yamashita, which was purple and blue and yellow, and Ryo thought he could see the hint of a bandage peeking out from under his jacket sleeve.

And maybe he was just paranoid; maybe Kame’s words were still at the forefront of his mind, but he came to a decision there and then. His hand closed over the paper in his pocket.

“Nishikido-san.” Yamashita’s nasally voice shook him from his thoughts. “I was asking you something.”

“…Oh?” Ryo said, oblivious. Ueda followed his eyes, quickly shifting so that his sleeve covered his wrist completely. Luckily, Yamashita noticed nothing, as he was so focused on staring Ryo down.

“Yes. Do you live around here?” Yamashita asked, his fingers now wrapping around Ueda’s elbow.

“Oh, uh—yes, I do,” he answered, and Yamashita was nodding before he’d finished, clearly wanting to move on.

“Right, well – nice to meet you, Nishikido-san. We should be off,” he said, turning and lightly steering Ueda after him.

Now was his chance. Yamashita’s back was to him, heading towards the checkout, and Ryo rushed forward, tucking the little slip of paper into Ueda’s jacket pocket. Ueda felt it, Ryo was sure, because he went to turn around, but Yamashita tugged on his arm and he stopped.

“Goodbye,” Ryo called after them.

He hoped he was doing the right thing.

 

\--end of chapter 2 


	4. Tell Me Why (Chapter 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/)**natsuki_suzu**  

Ryo stared at the phone.

It would be a bad idea.

A very bad idea.

Calling Tegoshi would be a bad idea.

But Ueda hadn’t called him yet, and Kame was starting to worry. Not just Kame, but Ryo too, although he didn’t want to admit it.

“Hello, this is Tegoshi.”

Ryo sighed into the receiver. “Hey Tesshi, it’s me again.”

“Ryo?” Tegoshi asked, not as excited as the last time he had heard from him. “What do you want this time?”

“Can I not call just to say hello?”

“No,” Tegoshi said, “since this is my work number.”

Ryo paused. “Ah… right.”

“What do you w—Massu, not right now,” Tegoshi suddenly muffled the phone. “No, I’m on the phone.” Ryo could just make out the deep voice of Masuda in the background, talking to Tegoshi. “No, I—Oh? Oh okay. Just get me dumplings, then.”

“Are you ordering food?” Ryo asked incredulously as Tegoshi announced his return. “So much for being at work.”

Ryo could practically hear Tegoshi smile. “You know I work from home.”

“Which makes our whole conversation pointless—nevermind.” Ryo sighed. “Say hello to Massu for me.”

 _“Massu!”_ Tegoshi screeched, not even bothering to cover the phone, _“Ryo says hi!”_ A pause. “He says hello.”

Ryo laughed. “Anyway, I need you to be in hacker-mode right now.”

“Right,” Tegoshi said, and Ryo could already hear his computer keys clicking away, “What do you need? Stalking that Ueda fellow?”

“…Maybe.”

Tegoshi laughed. “I have to meet this guy one day. So, what is it this time? Shall we pick up where we left off?”

“No, I need…” Ryo trailed off, feeling stupid and much like a stalker once more. “Ugh, what the hell. I need his phone number.”

Tegoshi laughed at him. “One phone number coming up,” he said. After a few more general questions, such as first names and how-are-you’s, Tegoshi proudly announced, “I’ve got it.”

“I will never not be impressed by your computing skills,” Ryo chuckled, as Tegoshi rattled off the number. “Woah, hang on!” He scrambled for a paper and pen, quickly scribbling down the number that Tegoshi repeated.

“Got it?”

“Yeah,” Ryo said. “Thankyou so much. How much should I pay you?” he asked, staring at the phone number now scrawled on the corner of his electricity bill.

“You could take me and Massu out for lunch,” Tegoshi said. “We could meet that—What? I’m not talking to you!” Tegoshi yelled, and Ryo had to hold the phone away from his ear. “No, I’m telling Ryo to take us out to eat! I don’t know—Ryo, Massu would like to know where we’re going for lunch.”

“You two are the perfect pair.”

“Why thankyou—No, Massu, he said we were perfect!” Tegoshi shouted. Ryo wondered how far away Masuda actually was.

“Tell Massu that I’ll take you to eat Italian later,” Ryo laughed.

“Massu! Italian!”

 

>>><<<

 

“Text him, text him, _text_ him,” Kame said, practically bouncing in his seat next to Ryo.

“Hold on!” he said angrily, holding his own phone between his hands.

“Does that thing even _send_ texts?” Jin asked, a smirk upon his lips as he placed cups of coffee before everyone. Ryo pulled a face.

“It may be old and worn, but it works perfectly fine.” Indeed, Ryo’s phone was battered and scuffed, holding no special features or flashy lights like Kame’s did. Ryo just thought Jin was showing off when he bought that iPhone. Sure, it couldn’t take pictures, but it worked. As long as you held the bottom corner when you spoke into the receiver.

“You’re rich, Ryo,” Jin laughed. “Buy a new one.”

“I refuse to, on principle.”

“Stubborn bastard.”

“Insufferable prick.”

“That’s _my_ insufferable prick, thankyou very much,” Kame interrupted, hitting Ryo over the head.

“And that wasn’t as romantic as you thought that sounded,” Ryo grimaced. Kame sighed.

“Just text him.”

Ryo looked to Jin, whose face was carefully blank as he stared at Ryo’s phone. He still didn’t approve of what they were doing. But he was holding his tongue because of Kame.

“I think I’ll do this when you two leave,” Ryo said, throwing the phone down onto the coffee table. “If you two ever leave.”

Kame sighed, but let it go, settling back on the couch and sipping on his coffee. Jin relaxed, reaching for his own cup, and Ryo knew it would be a while before he would be able to contact Ueda.

“So, not long now until the big conference, huh?” Jin asked.

“Why do you always have to bring that up?” Ryo said, blowing the steam off his cup.

Jin shrugged. “I wish I could go with you.”

“And leave me here? Heck no,” Kame said, kicking Jin around the coffee table. Jin winced and rubbed his ankle.

“I’m going to a _conference_ ,” Ryo remarked, frowning at his coffee. “I should never let you make the coffee, Jin. You always forget sugar…”

“I don’t forget it,” Jin said, “It’s manlier without it.”

In the end, Ryo had to kick the two out, with promises of meeting them soon. Even though he knew they’d be back on his couch tomorrow.

He stared at the phone on his table as though it were something dangerous. What was he going to say? It was even weirder, now that he had his number. What should he do?

But then a high-pitched sound broke the silence, the phone lighting up and spinning slightly as it vibrated. Ryo stared at it, walking slowly towards it. The number on the screen read ‘U. T.’, the name that Ryo had given Ueda’s number.

Carefully, Ryo picked it up. It had stopped ringing, and he nervously opened the message the other had left.

_“I can’t believe you.”_

Well.

Ryo cocked his head, rereading the text from Ueda. Before he knew it, he had tapped ‘reply’, and his fingers were nimbly typing a message back.

_“You’d better believe me.”_

_“You’re such a stalker,”_ Ueda wrote back quickly. Ryo sank back onto the couch, drawing his knees up as he answered.

_“Just a little.”_

_“At least you admit it.”_ Ryo laughed, reaching for his already-cold coffee.

 _“I’m quite awesome like that,”_ he replied. The two went on for a while, Ryo responding faster than Ueda. There were long pauses before Ueda would write, and sometimes Ryo wondered if he had overstepped the line – if he hadn’t already – or if the boyfriend had found out.

Talking to Ueda seemed natural. He was funny, Ryo discovered; he had the same sense of humour as Ryo did. And as time went by, the sun dipping down under the horizon, he found himself with the phone next to him as he cooked, checking it every few moments, stopping everything just to reply when Ueda did finally text.

It hit six o’clock, and Ryo felt this sense of dread wash over him. He didn’t know whether to stare at the phone or the clock, until at around ten minutes past the hour, his phone sounded.

_“I think I need to go now.”_

Ryo paused, trying to think of a good answer for that, hundreds of thoughts and questions running through his mind. _“I’ll be here if you need me.”_

Maybe he shouldn’t have sent that.

He sighed, throwing an arm over his eyes as he sat in front of the television, his half-eaten dinner sitting on the table, the phone lying next to him. Too late now.

Then his phone rang.

His blood ran cold as he saw the caller ID, and he picked the phone up with shaking hands.

“Hello?”

“Nishikido.” It was the boyfriend. “Don’t ever call this number again.”

And then he was gone, and Ryo was left with only the dial tone echoing in his ears, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

 

>>><<<

 

“Tomo, really—“

“You have his number?!” Tomohisa yelled, rounding on him. “You said nothing was going on between you two, but then this happens?”

“He gave his number to me—“ Tatsuya tried, but Tomohisa was past the point of listening.

 _“But you messaged him first!”_ Tomohisa roared, and Tatsuya shrank back. He didn’t know why he had messaged Nishikido. He didn’t even know why he had typed that number into his phone. He was an idiot for not throwing that piece of paper away; he should have known Tomohisa would find out.

He just didn’t expect him to find it so soon.

The blow to his face caught him off-guard, and he was thrown off the couch. Tomohisa’s eyes were dark as he stared down at him.  
“I can’t believe this,” he said, voice shaking with the force of trying to keep his anger at bay. “What would have happened if I didn’t intervene?”

“Nothing!” Tatsuya yelled, standing back up and facing Tomohisa. “ _Nothing_ would have happened!” Tomohisa just stared at him in disbelief, but Ueda had had enough. “I am not going to cheat on you! I love you, you complete idiot!” Tatsuya felt the adrenaline in his body rush through his veins, rounding on Tomohisa even though he knew better.

“Tatsuya…”

“No! Just—just kiss me and tell me you love me,” Tatsuya said, voice dropping to a mere whisper as he realised just how much he needed Tomohisa to love him like he used to. Tears were sliding down his cheeks but he paid them no heed, watching the battle within Tomohisa’s eyes as he tried to fight down the person he had become.

But Tatsuya knew he couldn’t.

 

>>><<<

 

“I haven’t heard from him in ages.”

“Four days isn’t ages,” Kame laughed. “And when is Jin coming back with our coffee?”

For once, the three of them weren’t lounging around on Ryo’s couch. They had met at the coffee store around the corner, and Kame and Ryo were left waiting as Jin ordered their drinks. The place was nice and comfortable, with dim orange lights overhead and dark brown walls, hugging them from all sides. They had found a table in the corner, next to one of the windows, watching the rain pound down on the street outside.

“We drink too much coffee,” Jin said as he slid into the booth next to Kame, setting their drinks on the table.

“We have our most serious conversations over coffee,” Kame shot back, and Jin laughed.

“True. So, what’s been happening?”

“Ryo’s missing his little butterfly,” Kame cooed, and Ryo kicked him under the table. “Ouch!”

“Oi! No abusing my boyfriend!”

“I’ll have you know that I’m not sorry at all,” Ryo spat. “And he’s not my little butterfly!”

“So, why are you missing him?”

“I’m not missing him,” Ryo said, “It’s more like… I’m worried.”

Jin regarded him over the rim of his coffee cup. “You’re always worried over this guy.”

“He texted me,” Ryo said, ignoring Jin.

“Oh?”

“Well, first he told me I was creepy,” Ryo said, breaking his cookie into thirds. “But then we just… kept talking. And he finished with ‘I’ve got to go now’ – exactly at six o’clock.”

“Six o’clock?” Jin asked, picking at the cookie. “Isn’t that the time he always has to leave?”

Ryo nodded. “And then the boyfriend called.”

Kame looked up, and even Jin stopped chewing. “What happened?”

“Does this boyfriend have a name?” Jin added.

“It’s Yamashita something, but that’s not important,” Ryo snapped. “He told me to leave Ueda alone.”

“I told you that too!” Jin squawked.

“But there was no background noise,” Ryo continued.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, you’d think that Ueda would be saying something in the background, but there was honestly nothing,” Ryo said, eyebrows furrowed.

“Weird.”

“I wouldn’t read too much into it,” Jin said, sipping at his coffee tentatively.

Ryo glared. “He sounded really possessive, I don’t know—“

“Okay, let’s drop this,” Jin suggested lightly. “This cookie is all kinds of delicious,” he added, staring at the cookie piece in his hand. Ryo laughed.

“Here, have my piece,” Kame said, and Jin looked at him questioningly before taking it happily.

“You’d better eat dinner, though, or—“

Jin cut himself off as Ryo’s phone rang, the harsh tinny noise ringing out through the quite calm of the café. “Sorry, sorry!” Ryo hissed, as he fished out his phone. “I’ll turn it off—“ but he paused, reading the name on the display. “It’s… it’s Ueda.”

“Answer it!” Kame said, and even Jin nodded.

With trepidation building up inside, he pressed the answer button, lifting it to his ear and watching Kame and Jin’s faces as they stared back at him. “Hello?”

There was a lot of noise on the other side, and Ryo couldn’t figure out what was happening until Ueda whispered into the phone. “Nishikido…” he said, and Ryo sat up straighter, stomach dropping. “You know how you said… you’d be here if I need you?”

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and both Jin and Kame set their cups down to pay him more attention.

There was more shuffling on the other end, and Ryo could just hear Ueda panting faintly. “I’m—I can’t take any more,” he whispered, and Ryo was sure he was trying to hold back tears. “Nishikido, I—“

But then there were voices and a thud, and the phone disconnected.

“Ueda?” Ryo tried, “Ueda!”

“Ryo, what happened?” Jin asked, Kame’s eyes wide as they watched him throw the phone to the table.

“Something’s not right…” Ryo said, his mind whirling, trying to think of what to do.

“Yes, we’ve gathered that,” Jin said, “But what is it?”

“Ryo, calm down,” Kame murmured, placing a hand on Ryo’s arm. “Nothing’s gonna get any better if you panic about it.”

Ryo told them what had happened in a shaky voice, eyes focused out that window, wondering what was happening to Ueda right now. “It must have been something pretty horrible,” he now said, ignoring Jin’s widened eyes, “For him to have rung me, I mean. That Yamashita must have done something terrible to him.”

“Wish there was something we could do,” Jin said, looking uncomfortable, until Kame clucked his tongue. “What?”

“So you were just gonna sit there as something bad is happening to someone?” he asked, anger in his eyes. “You, sir,” he said, now to Ryo, pulling him up by the elbow and thrusting his phone back into his hand, “are going to march over there and stop Yamashita hurting that man.”

“And—and what are you going to do?” Ryo asked, allowing Kame to steer him out of the café and leaving Jin to pay.

“Jin and I are going to ring an ambulance,” Kame said, a determined frown upon his face as he walked down the street, Jin struggling to keep up with his pace.

“We are?”

“We are,” Kame answered, finally releasing Ryo. “Now go. It's that big house around the corner from yours, right? We'll be there."

And Ryo was off running through the rain, dodging through crowds of people with brightly-coloured umbrellas. The rain was dripping into his eyes; his hair was plastered to his head; his feet were slipping on the wet sidewalk. But his mind was only focused on getting to Ueda; on saving him.

He would never forgive himself if something happened to him that he could have prevented.

Ryo was never good at running, and he was soon panting, his side hurting as he made his way past his house and up that hill. Ueda’s house was impossible to miss, all white walls and large front yard, the whole building looking as though it were towering over everything. But Ryo didn’t stop to take in the grand structure; he ran to the door and knocked twice, wishing to do nothing else but knock that door down.

There was no answer.

“Ueda!” he bellowed, pounding on the door again. “Ueda, are you in there?” Ryo tried the doorknob, surprised to find it was unlocked, and slowly opened the door, the squeaking of its hinges crying out in the eerie silence. “Ueda?” he tried again, voice quieter, but there was still no answer.

Feeling somewhat like a criminal, he carefully made his way through the house, checking it room by room, his heart feeling heavy. The kitchen and the bathroom seemed fine, but the lounge room was a mess; the coffee table was overturned, a small china pot had been thrown at the wall, smashed into pieces.

Ryo felt his heartbeat quicken, breathing heavily. He made his way up the stairs, noticing the small amount of blood on the ground, his worry doubling yet again. “Ueda?”

Still nothing.

The door to the main bedroom was open, and Ryo steadily made his way towards it. He pushed the door open further, and felt sick.

“Oh, Ueda,” he muttered, rushing to his side immediately, pressing his hands against Ueda’s cheeks. “Ueda, stay with me.”

Ueda was lying on the floor of the room, his face pale, blood staining his clothes and the carpet around him. His eyes were closed, as if he were asleep, but he lay unmoving, and Ryo could barely feel the flutter of Ueda’s heartbeat against his hand.

“Come _on_ , Ueda…” Ryo whispered, “Kame, where are you?”

Unbeknownst to Ryo, a note was left on the dresser, the word _‘sorry'_ hastily written on its surface.

 

\--end of chapter 3 


	5. Tell Me Why (Chapter 4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/)**natsuki_suzu**

“Come on, Ueda, stay with me,” Ryo muttered, pressing his hands to Ueda’s cheeks; his chest; his forehead. “Ueda, please.”

But Ueda remained unmoving, his chest barely rising up and down as he breathed. Ryo was panicking, not being able to do anything more than just sit next to him and try to wake him. He hated this.

“Ryo?” It was Jin, his voice echoing through the house from downstairs.

“Jin!” Ryo yelled, “I’m upstairs!”

There were many footsteps on the stairs, and then he was surrounded by people, pushing him back and away from Ueda. The paramedics quickly set to work, faces carefully schooled into blank expressions, reaching into bags and pulling out things that Ryo couldn’t even figure out.

“Where the heck have you guys _been?_ ” Ryo asked, once Ueda had an oxygen mask firmly on his face, and Kame had finally appeared, panting.

“Well,” Kame started, “We knew where he lived, but…”

“Kame couldn’t remember the exact address to tell the paramedics,” Jin explained.

Kame looked sheepish for a while, until he finally noticed Ueda. “Oh my—is that how you found him?”

“Yeah.”

“Poor thing,” was all Kame could say, but Ryo saw his hand reach for Jin’s. “What happened?”

“No idea,” Ryo said, running his hand through his hair. “No idea.”

 

>>><<<

 

The hospital stank of disinfectant. The three of them sat in the waiting room, Kame’s foot tapping impatiently against the floor, his hands holding both Ryo’s and Jin’s. In Jin’s other hand was a scrunched up piece of paper, held tightly within his fist.

“I hate hospitals,” Kame said, watching nurses rush backwards and forwards to their patients.

“I know.”

“Like, I mean, most people don’t like them because of all the dead people,” he continued, “But I just don’t like them because they’re so difficult to navigate.” Jin laughed, and Kame shot him a puzzled look. “What?”

“Nothing…”

Ryo sat up straighter as a nurse made her way towards them, all precise steps and carefully delicate hands. “You’re with Ueda Tatsuya?” she asked, and they nodded. “He’s awake, and you can see him now.”

“Is he… okay?” Ryo asked.

“He’s a little bandaged up, but he’ll be fine,” she said, in a rather clipped tone. “Now, if you’ll excuse me – he’s in room 203.” She bowed stiffly, and turned to attend to another patient with a swish of her white skirt.

“Well, that was strange,” Jin commented, but shrugged it off, catching Kame’s arm before he could follow Ryo into Ueda’s room. “Let’s go down to the café, okay?”

Kame looked at him, confused. “Huh? Why? No, I want to see Ueda.”

“You don’t even know the guy. He’s never even met you, you’ll probably just freak him out,” he said, and Kame poked him in the stomach.

“I don’t scare people, I’m adorable,” he laughed, before moving to hug Jin, his arms coming up to play with the collar of Jin’s jacket. “You wanna leave Ryo and he alone?”

Jin nodded, placing a kiss against the top of Kame’s head. “Let them work out their… thing. So,” he continued, moving away so he could look Kame in the eye, “Coffee?”

“As long as I get a cookie.”

 

>>><<<

 

Ueda looked small and fragile against the stark white of the hospital bed, bandages decorating his body, a drip attached to his arm and making everything look ten times worse than it actually was. Ueda’s eyes were on him the moment he stepped through the door, dark and intense.

“Hey,” Ryo said, nervously, “How’re you feeling?”

“Battered and bruised,” came the answer, after a while, and Ryo found himself chuckling and moving forward, those eyes calling him.

“You worried me,” Ryo said. “You were just… lying there. And there was all this blood around. I thought you were dead.”

Ueda finally lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Ryo said forcefully. “It’s not your fault.”

Ueda went quiet, his fingers playing with the ends of the sheets. “The doctors think it was you.”

“Huh?”

“The doctors. They think you’re the one who did this.” Ueda looked up at him. “Has he come back?”

“They think _I_ did this?” Ryo asked, incredulously. He felt the anger rising. “So that was why that nurse was acting so weird—What do you mean, has he come back?” he all but shouted.

“Tomohisa,” Ueda answered quietly, fisting his hands in the sheets, lowering his head. “Has he come to check on me?”

“He’s the one who did this to you! And you want him to come and see how you are?” Ryo asked in a dangerous tone. Ueda just nodded, and Ryo found himself storming out, blindly trying to find Ueda’s doctor. The man was in his mid-forties, hair a respectable length and sensible glasses were perched on his nose, his eyes focused on the board in front of him. “Doctor,” Ryo called, and the man turned.

“Yes?”

“You think I hit Ueda Tatsuya?” Ryo asked, his anger refusing to dissipate. He could feel it coursing through his veins, his skin hot as it flushed red. The doctor just looked at him. “I was the one who found him! His boyfriend is the one who beats him, not me!”

The doctor looked over to the nurse who was pretending not to listen in on their conversation. “Where did those officers go?”

 

>>><<<

 

Ryo felt a little strange, walking back into Ueda’s room after talking to the police. He didn’t know if what he did was a stupid idea or not. He didn’t even know if he felt good after giving the police Yamashita’s details.

“I’m sorry,” Ueda said, as soon as he entered the room again, taking Ryo off-guard.

“It’s…okay.”

“Thankyou,” he continued, with that deep, soft voice of his. “Thankyou for helping me.”

Ryo sighed, and moved around so he could sit next to Ueda’s bed. “How are you feeling? Really?”

“Hurt,” Ueda laughed, and Ryo cracked a smile. “It feels like there are bruises everywhere. And I think the doctor said I was bleeding, but I don’t remember.”

“Yeah, there was blood on the floor…”

“I’ll have to scrub that out before Tomo sees,” Ueda murmured, but Ryo heard. He decided to just leave it be, for the moment. In a louder voice, he added, “So, what did you do out there, in such a rage?”

“I told them who really hit you,” Ryo said, without thinking twice.

Ueda’s face darkened. “What?”

“I told the police that Yamashita was the one to beat you,” he continued, and for some reason, he didn’t notice the way Ueda’s eyebrows knitted together; the way his hands were once again fists on the sheets. “They wanted to know—“

“You fucking _idiot!”_ Ueda yelled, and Ryo looked up, shocked. “That’s my _boyfriend_ you’re talking about!” His hands were in his hair, now, dangerously close to the bandage wrapped around his head. “Where are they? I have to tell them…”

Ueda threw the sheets aside, and Ryo leapt to his feet, lifting his hands up to Ueda’s shoulders. But before he could even touch the other, Ueda flinched back, landing on the bed, a fearful expression flashing across his face. Ryo felt his stomach drop.

“I’m—I’m so sorry, I—“

“N-no, don’t apologise, I’m the one at fault,” Ryo stammered, sinking back into his chair as Ueda pulled the sheets back up, red-faced and embarrassed. There was a strange tension between them now, almost tangible, and Ryo wasn’t sure how to fix it.

“I love him.”

Ryo looked up, into Ueda’s eyes, full of that beautiful intenseness. “What?”

Ueda laughed, a little bitter. “I love him. Tomohisa, I mean. Even though… even though he does this,” he said quietly, gesturing to the bandage on his head, “I still love him.”

“But…why?” Ryo had to ask, not understanding the emotions in Ueda’s eyes. Love. Love for the man who would beat him to the ground.

“I knew you wouldn’t understand,” Ueda smiled, and Ryo had to smile back. “Don’t try to understand it. Just… just know it. Just know of this love I have for him.” Ryo nodded, feeling oddly calm, listening to Ueda speak.

“Tomohisa used to be normal. Well, as normal as a human being can be,” Ueda chuckled. “We met in high school. I remember, he was just… so cool. With his long hair, and that earring of his. He still has it, too. He only wears it every so often, though. And when he does, it’s like I get a piece of the old Tomo back.”

Ueda’s expression became sombre, a wistful kind of smile on his face. “He was just kind of… a friend of a friend. He was the cool kid; I was the one with the glasses that covered half of my face and had this limp hair,” he laughed. “I never thought he would notice me. I’d sure noticed him. This…is all very sappy, I’m sorry,” he suddenly said, breaking free of his reverie and turning to Ryo.

“No, it’s fine,” Ryo said, waving a hand. “Keep going, I don’t mind.” He liked the fact that Ueda was opening up to him like this. He felt like he was starting to become someone in Ueda’s life.

Ueda smiled. “I wasn’t expecting him to kiss me. It just kind of happened. I didn’t know that much about him, but from that day on I knew I wanted to be with him. After three years, we moved in with each other, in this little shitty apartment. It was… really amazing. I was with the man I loved, and he loved me.

“The possessive thing started later, when he got this new job. He was so tired and stressed every day, and he hated it after a while. But he refuses to quit, because of the money – he says he needs to keep working to support us. I was working at the time, but a few months later he forced me to resign.” Ueda sighed again. “That was the start of it all. He gets pushed around by people at work.”

“So he decides to take it out on you?” Ryo asked, more intrigued now, rather than angry. Ueda shook his head.

“It’s not like that,” Ueda said, shaking his head. “It started with small things. Like, he would ring me during his breaks to see how I was, and he would start asking me where I was going during the day and when I would be back. It all kind of spiralled from there.

“I remember the first time he hit me. I think we were both kind of in shock afterwards. It was because I had gotten home later than I had said, and he told me how worried he was and to never do it again. And then I found myself on the floor with a split lip, and he was hovering over me, apologies spilling out of his mouth. He helped me clean up, and I forgave him.

“But then it just kept happening. The first full attack was terrible. I cried for ages… and he just left me there. He walked out and just left me curled up crying. I remember hating him. I remember ignoring him when he came home with a bunch of flowers, but I crumbled when he kissed me. I always do,” Ueda said sadly.

“But still, I still love him. Because I know that underneath it all is still the man I love. He’s still there, somewhere,” he continued, looking Ryo in the eye. “I just have to find him again.”

“But you’ll get hurt—“

“I don’t want to lose him,” Ueda interrupted, and Ryo fell silent. “He’s the only thing I have now. I need him. And he needs me.”

There was nothing but love shining in those eyes, and Ryo sighed. “I can’t say I understand, but I guess you don’t really care if I do or not, do you?”

Ueda laughed. “Not really, Nishikido.” Ryo smiled, unsure of what he was feeling, with that gaze upon him.

“I’ll go now,” he said eventually, getting to his feet and missing the way Ueda’s smile quickly faded.

“Oh. Okay.”

“I hope your boyfriend comes to visit,” he said, not meaning a word of what he said. Ueda just nodded. “You okay?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine,” Ueda shook his head, the fakest of smiles upon his face.

“That ain’t a real smile, Mister Tatsuya,” Ryo murmured, leaning down close to him.

“Sorry,” Ueda said, averting his eyes and dropping the façade. Ryo sighed again, and stood back up.

“I’m going now. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

Ryo stopped again, just before the door, and turned. “You were very brave.”

“What?”

“For ringing me. For asking for help. It must have been hard.”

“Oh,” was all Ueda said, and it looked as though he were thinking hard about something. Ryo smiled, and left, sliding the door closed behind him again.

 

>>><<<

 

Tatsuya’s phone buzzed, lighting up with a message. He reached for it, rather sleepy, wondering who on Earth would be messaging him at two thirty in the morning.

It was an unknown number.

_Hey Ueda, it’s Ryo. I figured that your boyfriend would have deleted me from your contacts. But here’s my number again. And don’t hesitate to call me._

_You should probably delete this message after you save my number._

_I told them that I beat you. We got into a fight, and I hit you. I also asked them not to tell anyone that I came to visit. I don’t want to get you in trouble._

Ueda smiled, instinctively looking around before saving Nishikido’s number under a false name.

He found himself writing a text back, a strange thrill creeping up his spine as he pressed send.

_Thankyou._

 

\--end of chapter 4  



	6. Tell Me Why (Chapter 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/)**natsuki_suzu**

“Will you two stop making out on my couch?!” Ryo screeched, and Kame and Jin sprang apart, sheepish looks on their faces. “I’ve told you before!”

“Sorry,” Kame said, cringing.

“I’m not blaming you,” Ryo said, glaring at Jin, who smirked and cocked an eyebrow.

“You’re just jealous,” he said, and sank back into the couch.

“I’m really not,” Ryo grimaced. “What’s that?” he asked, gesturing to the piece of crinkled paper on the table. His curiosity heightened as Jin shifted in his seat, looking uncomfortable. “Jin, what is it?”

“Here, just take it,” he mumbled, pushing the paper forward. Ryo reached for it, casting curious glances at Jin as he took it.

“’Sorry’?” Ryo read, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to understand it. “Where did you get this?”

“Uuh… from Ueda’s place,” Jin admitted, and it was Jin’s strangely serious face that stopped Ryo from saying anything else. “It was just sitting there… and it looked like it was important, so I just picked it up.”

“Do you think it’s from Yamashita?” Kame asked, peering over Ryo’s shoulder. Jin nodded.

“Who else would write a note with ‘sorry’ on it?” he said, standing up and snatching the note out of Ryo’s hands.

“True...” Kame looked over to Ryo, who was still quiet. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Ryo sighed, sinking down on the couch next to Jin.

“This is all too confusing,” Jin sighed. “These people are confusing. Thankyou for thrusting us into their relationship,” he said sarcastically. Kame hit him over the head.

 

>>><<<

 

Ryo found himself staring at that note more than was necessary. Was Yamashita really sorry about what he did? Did he go to the hospital, and cry over the wounds he had inflicted to Ueda? Did he apologise to his face? Was he ever actually expecting the piece of paper to be found?

And what would he do if it was found? Would he hold Ueda in his arms and kiss his forehead, murmuring sweet lies into his ear?

Maybe Ryo was thinking too much. He was getting a headache. He scrunched the note up before throwing it out, giving it one final glance before turning his back to it.

Ueda had been texting him more and more over the course of the week. It would always bring a smile to his face, seeing a text from the other. He hoped that his responses would do the same. Ueda would send him nonsensical texts - messages about what he was eating, what he was watching on television, and sometimes just the weather.

It seemed, to Ryo, that Ueda was very, very bored at home. _Are you bored?_ he wrote, after receiving a picture of a cloud shaped like a chicken.

 _Very,_ he responded seconds later.

 _Why?_ Ryo asked, not even bothering to hide his phone when his secretary walked in uninvited - as she always did - and placed a few files down on his desk. She smiled at him, and Ryo returned it. She was always nice, even when Ryo had his bad days. She left again, with the instruction that Yamamoto-san needed signatures on those files in an hour, and that's when Ryo's phone beeped again.

_Because I can't go out >.<_

_Because of your boyfriend?_

_You got it! XD_

_You use too many emoticons._

_>. < No I don't! :D_

_Yes, you do!_

_... >.>_

Ryo laughed to himself. _When will I see you again?_ he wrote cautiously, and it was some time before Ueda wrote back.

_Whenever._

_Whenever?_

_Stop texting me now. He's home._

Ryo felt his blood run cold. Hopefully Ueda was able to clear their text messages before Yamashita saw them. He sat there for a while, just staring at his phone, like he was able to see what was happening.

It still scared Ryo to know that Ueda had become so important to him in such a short amount of time. He barely knew him, but the thought of him - or anyone, really - being hurt by someone they loved angered him. And now, with Ueda... he felt like he could actually help him. He felt like he could save him, maybe. Maybe.

He often caught himself wondering if Yamashita was in a good mood that day. Or if Ueda had gone to bed with new bruises dotting his body.

But the next day, Ueda would wake him up with a text, a chirpy "good morning" bringing a smile onto Ryo's face. So Ryo would write back, hoping that if Ueda had a bad night that maybe his own text would make Ueda smile.

Some days were good, but others were... bad.

 _How are you today?_ Ryo texted. He had stopped being so cautious asking Ueda this. The reply came a few minutes later.

_Not so good._

_Eh?_

_My ribs hurt. So does my head._

Ryo stared at the text for a while, unsure of what to say. What was he meant to say? Suddenly, the usual sounds of the office felt suffocating, and he had to get out of there. Clutching the phone tightly in his hand, he waited until he was out in the sunshine again, the cool air making him feel a little better.

_Is there anything I can do to help?_

_No._

_Okay. Sorry._ Ryo felt stupid. Of course there wasn't anything he could do. He walked over to a nearby bench, sitting down upon it and jumping when he realised he had another message from Ueda.

_I'm sorry I snapped. I'll be fine. Thankyou for worrying ^^_

Ryo felt relief wash over him when he saw the emoticon at the end of the sentence. He stared at the screen, writing and re-writing replies, but none of them were good enough, or seemed too insensitive. Eventually, though, he settled on _Of course I was worried._

:D!

Ryo laughed to himself, before putting his phone away and taking a deep breath in. It was time to get back to work.

 

>>><<<

"I'm home," Tomohisa called, and Tatsuya smiled.

"You're home early," he said, wiping his hands on his apron before walking out of the kitchen, "I was just making dinner."

Tomohisa smiled, drawing him close and kissing him sweetly, sighing. "I missed you," he murmured.

"I know," Tatsuya said, looking deep into Tomohisa's eyes. He seemed to be okay today. Good. "I made your favourite dinner for tonight. Did you have a good day?"

Tomohisa grumbled a little as he dumped his suitcase onto a chair, following Tatsuya into the kitchen. "It was alright," he said, watching Tatsuya move around the kitchen. "The day is better now that I'm home, though."

Tatsuya smiled. "Of course," he said, grinning as he prepared their dinner. "It's because I'm here." Tomohisa laughed.

"True."

Tomohisa was in a good mood, and Tatsuya loved it. He was laughing, with that light in his eyes that he loved, his smile actually reaching his eyes for once. Their dinner was just spaghetti, but Tatsuya hadn't had fun like this in a while. Tomohisa kept dropping his spaghetti, leaving stains from the sauce on the tablecloth, and he would look up with wide eyes each time it happened, as if scared Tatsuya was going to scold him.

But Tatsuya just laughed, reaching over to hit him lightly over the head before really thinking about it. He shrunk back in his chair quickly, watching Tomohisa carefully, but Tomohisa just shook his head and laughed. Tatsuya felt like he was able to breathe again.

After dinner, Tatsuya cleaned the dishes as Tomohisa collapsed onto the couch with a heavy sigh. "I don't like work, Tatsuya," he shouted from the other room.

"I know," Tatsuya murmured to himself.

"Hey, can I check something on your phone?" Tatsuya froze.

"...What?"

"I've lost the number for that pet clinic across town, and I want to recommend it to Rina," he explained, coming back into the kitchen. "She thinks her puppy is sick."

"...Oh?" Tatsuya tried, with a shaky voice. His hands started moving again, scrubbing the dish with extra force. "Don't we have a magnet with the phone number on the fridge?"

Tomohisa clicked his tongue, searching around the kitchen for Tatsuya's phone. "No we don't, that's the pizza place."

"Oh. Right." Hopefully he had erased those messages from--- No. No, he hadn't. He was going to do it a few minutes before Tomohisa came home.

"Where's your phone?" he finally asked.

"In-- in the bedroom," Tatsuya answered, his heart racing. Tomohisa just nodded, and Tatsuya found himself counting the sounds of Tomohisa's footfalls on the stairs.

Fifteen. There were fifteen stairs. Wait a while as Tomohisa crossed the floor into the bedroom, another few moments as he looked for the phone.

Tatsuya counted twenty seconds before Tomohisa found it.

 

>>><<<

 

Ryo collapsed onto his couch when he got home that night, throwing an arm up over his eyes and groaning. His house was dark - he hadn't even bothered to turn the lights on - and his kitchen smelt a little from the garbage he was meant to throw out yesterday. His head was pounding and he had a massive ink stain on his shirt where his pen had decided to leak.

Today just wasn't his day.

"No," he grumbled, as the phone started ringing. "No, I don't want to answer you."

But his phone kept ringing. "Ugh, fine. If this is just a telemarketer, I'm going to scream." Ryo somehow managed to worm his phone out from his pocket, and flipped it open. "I don't want any free holiday to New Zealand--"

"Nishikido," a voice panted, and Ryo sat up.

"Who is this?"

The voice on the other end didn't answer."Can you hear him?"

"What are you talking about?" Ryo asked, but he could hear sounds in the background, fuzzy and uncertain and wait-- what was that. "What was--"

"Can you hear him?" the voice asked again, and Ryo felt his stomach drop.

"Yamashita--?"

"He's pathetic," Yamashita spat, and Ryo leapt to his feet. "He's crying, Nishikido, can't you hear him?"

"What have you done?" Ryo shouted, vision clouding with anger. He couldn't see anything - every fibre of his being was focused on listening to the muffled sounds. "What's going on?"

Yamashita laughed a little breathlessly. "Listen," he said, shifting the phone around.

Ryo was halfway to the door when he heard it, and stopped dead.

"Nishikido--"

It was Ueda.

"Ueda? What's wrong? What's he doing? Is everything okay?" Ryo asked quickly, feeling the panic rise. "Ueda? Are you still there?"

"Stop--"

"He's calling for you, Nishikido,” Yamashita whispered sourly. “Even when I’m with him, like this--”

“What are you doing to Ueda?!” Ryo roared into the phone, but the line had been cut, the dial tone echoing in his ear, almost deafening.

Ryo’s hands were shaking as he ran a hand through his hair before dialling Jin’s number.

“Yo, Ryo, I was just about to call y--”

“Jin, I think... I think Ueda’s in trouble,” Ryo explained, his voice cracking as he tried to stand still.

“Are you sure? Be--”

“Yes, of course I’m fucking sure, his psycho boyfriend just rang me,” he spat, and Jin went quiet. "I think... I think he's raping him."

 

\--end of chapter 5


	7. Tell Me Why (Chapter 6)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[**natsuki_suzu**](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/) Chapter dedicated to [](http://marsbareater12.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://marsbareater12.livejournal.com/)**marsbareater12**

“Jin, I think... I think Ueda’s in trouble,” Ryo explained, his voice cracking as he tried to stand still.

“Are you sure? Be--”

“Yes, of course I’m fucking sure, his psycho boyfriend just rang me,” he spat, and Jin went quiet. "I think... I think he's raping him."

“Okay, I’ll call Kame and he’ll ring the police - again - and an ambulance. You wait for me, and I’ll come and get you,” Jin ordered, and quickly hung up.

Ryo almost tripped over his own feet trying to get to the genkan to put his shoes back on. All he could think about was Ueda, that small voice crying out his name, as if he were the only one he could think of who could help him.

Jin rang him when he arrived, and Ryo rushed out to him, barely in the car before Jin was driving off. "Shit," Jin muttered, running a hand through his hair. "I hope we get there in time."

Ryo didn't say anything. Even though Ueda's house was just around the corner, it seemed like the road was suddenly entirely too long. "Jin, drive faster," he murmured, but Jin wasn't paying him any attention, his eyes focused on the road.

Ueda's house was slowly coming into view; the stark white of it against the normal red-brick of the houses next to it making it impossible to miss. Ryo was out of Jin's car before he had fully parked, slipping a little on the grass as he ran for the door, a sense of deja-vu hitting him as he bashed his fist on the door.

Jin wrenched him out of the way. "Just go in, you idiot," he snapped, flinging the door open and pushing infront of Ryo. "Where is he, do you know?"

But Ryo didn't have to answer, the only noises in the house leading them upstairs. "Yamashita!" he roared, racing up the stairs as quick as he could. Jin was following behind him - he could hear his footfalls on the stairs behind him - but something made him stop dead.

"I'm here. Save me."

It wasn't Ueda who spoke.

"Shit," he heard Jin mutter, brushing past him. Ryo blinked, and started up the stairs again, taking them two at a time. Jin was at the top of the stairs, panting, trying to figure out which way to go, but Ryo knew exactly where he was going, pulling Jin to the right.

"Yamashita?" he called, slowing down, and pushing the door open. Ryo's heart dropped.

Yamashita stood above an almost-unconscious Ueda on the floor, tears streaming down his face as he held a knife to Ueda's throat, his eyes full of anguish. "Save him," he whispered, his hands shaking, not taking his eyes off Ueda's face.

Jin moved first, twisting the knife out of Yamashita's hand and pulling him away. Yamashita went limp in his arms, collapsing to the floor and dragging Jin with him, clutching onto his sleeve and mumbling nonsensical things into Jin's collar.

"Ueda?" Ryo called, kneeling onto the floor near Ueda's head. His eyes were closed, a big bruise starting to form over one eye. He was naked from the waist down; Ryo reached for the sheets of the bed nearby to cover him up, trying to save some of his dignity.

Ueda blinked. "Nishikido?"

"Yeah," he murmured, and Ueda tried to move, wincing as pain shot up his spine, but Ryo pressed a hand to his shoulder lightly. "No, don't move. The ambulance is coming."

"Thankyou." Ueda closed his eyes again, sighing. Ryo wasn't entirely sure Ueda really knew what was going on.

Ryo shared a concerned look with Jin, who was still trying to calm Yamashita. "When is Kame getting here?"

"I told him not to come," Jin whispered back. "I didn't want him to be here."

Ryo nodded, stroking a hand over Ueda's hair, praying that he was going to be okay. Again.

"I'm sorry," Yamashita murmured. "Fuck, Tatsuya, I'm so sorry--"

"No," Ryo said, standing, hands trembling in rage. "No, you don't get to say that-- You-- You're fucking disgusting-- I can't--"

But Yamashita wasn't listening, staring at Ueda with blank eyes and muttering apologies. "I'm sorry--"

"Shut up!" Ryo roared, making even Jin jump. "You did this! This is all your fault! You can't just fucking apologise and expect everything to be okay--"

"Ryo--"

"--What if you had fucking killed him this time? What if you've gone too far? What then?" he screamed, standing over the top of him, Yamashita's blank eyes fuelling him on. "Do you even mean what you say? Are you even sorry? Get the fuck up and face me like a man!"

"Ryo!" Jin yelled, finally silencing him, "You're scaring Ueda," he said in a calmer voice, once he got Ryo's attention.

Ryo turned to Ueda, who was flinching away from him. "...Oh."

"Nishikido?" Ueda asked again, and Ryo nodded carefully.

"The police are here," Jin whispered, the sounds of their feet pounding up the stairs giving them away before Jin had even spoken, but Ryo ignored him.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing here?" Ueda asked, and Ryo frowned. "Why are you yelling?"

"What?"

But the police had arrived, casting an eye over the scene in front of them before wrenching Yamashita out of Jin's grip, and pulling him into the corridor, shutting the door behind them. Yamashita didn't struggle at all, Ryo noticed, but went with them rather willingly.

Ueda watched as they took him. "Where's Tomo going?" he asked, thoroughly confused. "And why aren't I wearing pants?" he suddenly realised, staring at the sheet wrapped around his legs.

"We'll explain later," Ryo said, moving over to him. Ueda just watched him come closer, his eyes rather vacant. "Are you alright?"

Ueda hummed. "I think so. But I don't think Tomo is."

"The ambulance will be here soon," Jin said, walking over and putting his phone away. "Hopefully."

"Hello," Ueda said, suddenly realising they weren't alone.

Jin stared. "Hello..."

"Who are you?"

"...Jin."

"Have we met?"

"Oh. I suppose... I suppose we haven't. Not really," Jin said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh. I'm Ueda," he said, smiling a little and wincing as the bruise on his eye made itself known. "Ow."

Ryo was worried. What the hell had Yamashita done to Ueda to make him forget what had happened in the past few hours? He knew he had to wait for the ambulance, but he couldn't help but worry when he looked into Ueda's eyes and saw almost nothing.

"Where were they taking Tomo?" Ueda said, staring at the door. "Is he alright? Did I do something...?"

"No. No, you didn't do anything," Ryo murmured. "You did nothing wrong."

They jumped again as Jin's phone rang. It was Kame, he said, to tell them that the ambulance was there, and they needed them to keep the front door open for them. Ryo nodded, and Jin was off before he could say anything, running downstairs so he could hold the door. Ryo quickly searched for some pants Ueda could easily slip on, before they could get to their room.

The paramedics arrived just as Ueda was asking who Kame was. They carried a stretcher of sorts, as Kame had said that he wasn't sure what kind of condition Ueda was going to be in, and lay it down on the floor.

Ryo helped them to coerce Ueda onto the stretcher after they had looked him over. "You're going to be okay," he whispered, and Ueda smiled a little.

"That's good, then," he said, trying to laugh. Ryo smiled. "I'm going to the hospital, right?" he asked, and Ryo nodded. "Can you come with me?"

"Of course," Ryo said. "I was going to."

"Thankyou."

 

\--end of chapter 6  



	8. Tell Me Why (Chapter 7)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[**natsuki_suzu**](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/) Chapter dedicated to[](http://marsbareater12.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://marsbareater12.livejournal.com/) **marsbareater12**

The hospital was as sad and dreary as it had been the time before.

Everything was white and cream and green; the nurses all wearing similar pale colours and rushing around with clipboards and wheeling patients about. Even the paintings hung on the walls were boring. There were many scattered about, but they were of landscapes, or some kind of abstract work in reds and yellows and blues with flecks of brown and it hurt Tatsuya's mind trying to figure it out.

In the end, they were all just lines and dots on a piece of canvas to him, really.

Tatsuya sighed, rolling over in his bed, the crisp sheets ruffling loudly in the relative silence of his bedroom. He wasn't alone; three other people lay in their own beds in each corner of the room. There was Yamamoto, who had a badly broken leg (but still had a wide smile), and was in the bed directly opposite him. There was an older man in the bed beside Yamamoto, who was greying and seemed to have a lot of visitors who all wore suits; and a teenaged girl next to Tatsuya, who he barely ever saw because she always had the curtain drawn around her bed. All he knew was that she had short black hair and sharp eyes.

Yamamoto was the only one that spoke to him, even though Tatsuya didn't say anything back. He seemed nice, though.

It was lonely, in the hospital, when the lights went down, and Tatsuya was left alone with his thoughts. Thoughts of Tomohisa, and of Nishikido.

Nishikido had said that Tomohisa had been taken to the police station. Nishikido spoke a lot, when he visited, but Tatsuya just wanted to curl into a ball and wait for Tomohisa to come and get him. But he wouldn't, he realised. If they had arrested him-- Tomohisa wouldn't be coming back for him.

All he had was Nishikido, now.

Nishikido.

Nishikido with his dark skin and his deep eyes. Nishikido, who seemed to appear every time something went wrong. Nishikido, who visited him every day, who spoke to him in a soft voice, even though he never said anything back.

He seemed to be everywhere. And to be truly honest, it was scaring Tatsuya a little. It was bad enough at home, to be on tenderhooks when the clock struck six and Tomohisa would be walking through the front door. But Nishikido was everywhere Tomohisa wasn't, and Tatsuya had often found himself looking over his shoulder more than often, waiting for the other to appear.

But somehow, the fear that he had for Nishikido was different from the fear he held for Tomohisa.

Tatsuya's mind was a mess.

He sighed into the silence, staring blankly at the punnet of strawberries that Nishikido had left him that afternoon. Why was Nishikido so worried about him? He wasn't very important; he was definitely nothing special. So why did Nishikido always appear when he needed him?

He was like his goddamn knight in shining armour, Tatsuya thought with a wry smile.

That all being said, however, he had also made him feel happy again. Nishikido's texts every day seemed to brighten up his life a little. Tatsuya groaned, shaking his head at himself. He really needed to just _stop thinking._

He couldn't sleep, though. Everytime he closed his eyes, flashes of what had happened would appear; Tomohisa's face and Nishikido's face and there was a knife, Tatsuya knew that. There was a knife. He vaguely remembered someone else being there, later, but couldn't remember his face, or his voice.

Tomohisa had done something, Tatsuya knew. Tomohisa had done something worse than he had ever done before. The doctors had told him (with a fretting Nishikido standing behind them) what Tomohisa had done, but somehow he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Tomohisa had... well.

Apparently he'd suffered a mental block. His mind had tried to save him by blocking out everything that had happened. It had just left him confused, though.

Tatsuya didn't want to sleep. He didn't, but the drugs that the nurse had given him were making his eyelids heavy, and he found himself slowly drifting to sleep, the only happiness in this being that it would be dreamless.

Days dragged on like this, day after day after boring night, with nurses coming in to check on his bruises and his slightly sprained ankle. He had one doctor for his ankle and another doctor for his mind, who seemed to always speak to him like a child. Tatsuya didn't really care anymore.

Nishikido visited at lunch time, which was always embarrassing, because Tatsuya had to sit there and eat horrible hospital food as Nishikido watched. Tatsuya would always give him his biscuit, and laugh as Nishikido dropped crumbs on his suit. He left at one, but was back by seven, after work, and always brought him something from Koyama's store.

"Koyama says hi," he would say with a smile, placing the bag down on the side table.

Tatsuya would always smile back.

 

>>><<<

 

The house was so cold without Tomohisa there. Even though he was barely there anyway, the fact that Tomohisa wasn't coming back made it seem so much bigger.

"Are you going to be okay?" Nishikido asked, from his side. Tatsuya nodded.

He'd be fine. He didn't need Nishikido's help.

Nishikido made a noise beside him, and he realised that he probably said that out loud. "First words you say to me for a week and you're grumbling," he muttered. Tatsuya couldn't be bothered to apologise. "Well, if you're fine, I'll go then."

As soon as Nishikido closed the door behind him, he wanted him back.

The house practically echoed as Tatsuya made his way through the hall and down to the kitchen. It was strange, because nothing had changed at all. Everything was where they had left it. The dishes were still in the sink. They were still dirty.

He sighed, deciding that he should probably get changed from whatever he had thrown on in the hospital. Up the stairs, to the right. There was blood on the rail, and Tatsuya wasn't sure how it got there. It was probably his. It was always his.

The room was a mess. The bedsheets were lying on the floor, there was blood on the carpet - Tatsuya vaguely remembered being dragged at some point - and there were clothes flung everywhere. Tatsuya took a deep breath and stepped over the first piece of clothing - jeans - and carried on to the wardrobe, trying to ignore the way his stomach flipped.

But there was another bloodstain on the dresser and suddenly his mind was whirring, all these images of Tomohisa and he appearing in his mind. He held onto the dresser as he closed his eyes tightly, remembering those touches and the way Tomohisa dragged him upstairs, throwing him into the room.

He tried to shut the pictures out, but they kept coming. That flash of blinding pain as his head hit the corner of the dresser; Tomohisa's grip on his arms as he followed him to the floor; that panic as he tried to get away but Tomohisa pulled him back down.

"Shit, shit, _shit_ ," Tatsuya groaned, bringing a hand to his forehead, as if it could push the pictures out of his mind.

He couldn't stay here.

Nishikido.

 

>>><<<

 

"So... this is it," Nishikido said, a little sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck and quickly moving to remove a sock from the back of a chair. "Don't... I don't know why that was there. Sorry-- that's not even _mine_ \-- fucking Akanishi," he muttered to himself.

Tatsuya stood in the doorway awkwardly. "Akanishi?"

"Jin," Nishikido said, and Tatsuya vaguely remembered that name. "So, shall we get you settled?"

Nishikido's house was smaller than Tomohisa's. It was painted a cream colour, with a brown couch and a wooden table and chairs, paintings of different landscapes on the walls. "What's this?" he asked, and Nishikido smiled.

"My mother paints," he explained. "She's run out of room on her walls at home, so she's given me some."

"They're nice..."

"I'll be sure to tell her that," Nishikido laughed, as he moved about the kitchen. "Do you want lunch?"

Tatsuya shook his head, and Nishikido shrugged. "Your house is nice."

"Eh? Ah, it's nothing, really, but thankyou." Nishikido looked up from making his own sandwich, and smiled. "You can look around, if you want."

So Tatsuya did. Nishikido's house was full of soft corners, browns and creams and dark greens decorating the place. It was a comfortable place, Tatsuya thought, smiling a little as he saw framed photographs on the bookshelf. There was that Jin, he realised, looking at one of the photos of Nishikido and two other people. "You were really brown when you were younger," he commented, and he heard Nishikido's short bark of laughter from the kitchen.

"I used to go to the beach a lot," he said, "I always go brown."

"Where will I be sleeping?" Tatsuya asked, a little awkwardly.

"Ah!" Nishikido said, rushing around the corner, his sandwich in-hand. "I forgot. Here, it's upstairs."

As Nishikido led him upstairs, Tatsuya suddenly felt as though he was being unloyal to Tomohisa. He wasn't sure why - nothing was happening, Nishikido was only biting into his sandwich happily as he trudged up the stairs - but still, he felt like he needed to get out of there.

"You okay?" Nishikido asked at the top of the stairs.

"Yep."

"No, you're not."

How did he always know? "I'll be fine." And he would. He'd get over it.

Tatsuya shook off the feeling as Nishikido led him to his guest bedroom. "Sorry for the mess," he laughed, kicking an old exercise ball out of the way.

"It's okay," Tatsuya said, somehow liking the messy room. Nothing in Tomohisa's house was messy, because Tatsuya cleaned it all. There was nothing else to do, really.

He moved through the piles of Nishikido's old belongings, perching himself on the bed. Nishikido grimaced at the dust that flew up off the mattress. "Yeah... I'll change those sheets for you," he said, taking another bite of his sandwich. "Also, I make the best sandwiches ever. Sure you don't want one?"

Tatsuya was about to say no; was about to shake his head and wave a hand and maybe ask Nishikido to leave him alone, but his stomach spoke for him, rumbling angrily. Nishikido grinned in delight.

"Come downstairs; I'll make you one. What did you want on it?"

 

\--end of chapter 7 


	9. Tell Me Why (Chapter 8)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/)**natsuki_suzu**

There was blood. He could smell it. It was in his hair; running down his cheek; underneath his fingernails.

  
There were hands all over him, biting into his skin and tearing it open, blood spilling down his forearms.

 

He felt like he was on fire; everything burned. He couldn't move his legs anymore.

 

He was being kissed. His clothes were being ripped off; he was being held down.

 

He didn't know if he cried out in pain.

 

>>><<<

 

"Ueda. Ueda? Wake up, it's okay-- ouch, _shit_ \-- calm down-- it's just me!"

 

Tatsuya could feel hands on him. He had to get them off. "No--"

 

"It's just me! It's Ryo-- it's okay-- Ueda, stop fighting me--"

 

That voice wasn't right. That wasn't Tomohisa.

 

Tatsuya blinked, finally focusing. No, this wasn't Tomohisa. It was Nishikido.

 

Nishikido had his hands on Tatsuya's shoulders, staring at him with concern in his eyes. "Nishikido?" Tatsuya asked, as if to reassure himself. Nishikido nodded.

 

"Yeah. Just me."

 

"I thought-- thought you were someone else," Tatsuya said, finding breathing difficult. It was like something was being pressed against his chest, constricting around his throat and choking him.

 

"I know," was all Nishikido said. "You had a nightmare."

 

Oh.

 

"I feel weird," Tatsuya said, trying to shrug Nishikido's hands off him and luckily, he took them away. He could breathe now.

 

"Really? Like what?"

 

Tatsuya wasn't so sure, but he thought that maybe it had something to do with the cold sweat that was causing his shirt to stick to his body; maybe it was because of the sheets wrapped around his legs; maybe it was because of the images that were still so frighteningly clear in his mind.

 

"I don't know," he said eventually.

 

Nishikido sighed. "It's okay. Maybe you should take a shower." Tatsuya nodded. A shower was a good idea.

 

He stood under the water, letting it flow over his skin, washing away the remnants of the nightmare. Not that it would ever really leave his mind, though; it seemed to be etched into his very thoughts, haunting him whenever he closed his eyes. But he felt better once he wrapped himself in a towel, his hair partly dry and sticking to his skin, water droplets still running down his neck and chest. He felt refreshed.

 

Nishikido had laid out clothes for him back in his room - an old shirt and trackpants - and Tatsuya quickly changed into them. They smelt like Nishikido. He didn't know whether he liked it or not.

 

Nishikido was in the lounge room, and voices told Tatsuya that Nishikido's friends were there, too. Akanishi and... Kamenashi, if he remembered right. He wasn't sure if he was up to talking to strangers, but he still headed downstairs, pausing as the others noticed him first.

 

"Hey," one of them said - Akanishi. Tatsuya remembered that face. He nodded. "Ueda, right? This is Kamenashi Ka--"

 

"I can introduce myself, thank you very much," the other man - Kamenashi - interrupted, standing up. "Kamenashi Kazuya," he continued, smiling up at Tatsuya. "Nice to meet you. Finally."

 

Tatsuya bowed a little awkwardly. Nishikido stood up. "Oh, we made breakfast. Want some?"

 

>>><<<

 

Kamenashi was nice. He had this sweet way of talking and nice warm eyes that seemed to smile when he spoke. Akanishi hung back a little, letting Kamenashi talk, but Tatsuya could see the love in his eyes. That was nice.

 

Nishikido was fluttering about the table, making sure Tatsuya had enough orange juice or coffee and did you want any more eggs or toast or bacon? And soon Tatsuya had a plateful of food that he knew he couldn't eat, but it was kind of okay, because Kamenashi and Akanishi were poking fun of Nishikido in his little blue apron and he was smiling. It was only little, but it was still a smile.

 

They were sweet, Tatsuya decided. Once upon a time, maybe Kamenashi could have been his best friend. Maybe he could have grown up with he and Akanishi and Nishikido, and be a completely different person. Maybe he wouldn't be battered and bruised and aching like he was now. Maybe Tomohisa would be normal.

 

Yes, Tatsuya could come to feel comfortable around these two he thought, as Kamenashi turned to him and smiled, trying to include him in the conversation. Something about Kamenashi's dogs tearing up his apartment again. Tatsuya didn't know that much about dogs - Tomohisa never allowed them in his house - so he tried to keep out of the conversation, but Kamenashi kept asking his opinion. It was like Kamenashi actually cared. Which was nice.

 

"I don't know," Kamenashi said. "Ran-chan is just teaching Jelly all these naughty things, and now they're both being terrors." He ran a hand through his hair and glared at Nishikido when he didn't answer. "Thanks for helping."

 

"No problem."

 

"Hey, Ueda," Kamenashi said, and Tatsuya paused in the middle of stirring his coffee.

 

"Uuh. Yes?"

 

"We're gonna hang out tomorrow," Kamenashi said matter-of-factly, and Tatsuya blinked.

 

"What?"

 

"Well, Ryo and Jin have work, and I want to go shopping," Kamenashi continued, ignoring Tatsuya's blank stare.

 

"He needs a partner in crime," Akanishi mumbled, and Kamenashi threw him a glare.

 

"Just be lucky it's not you," he said, and Akanishi quickly busied himself with his toast.

 

"Oh... okay."

 

When the two were gone, Nishikido sat at the table, dirty dishes forgotten. "Is it okay? That you go out with Kamenashi tomorrow, I mean," he asked, and Tatsuya nodded.

 

"I think so. I think I'll be okay. Kamenashi seemed nice," he answered, and Nishikido smiled.

 

"He is. He's... well, he's Kame. No-one is like Kame," he laughed, getting to his feet and collecting the plates and bowls. Tatsuya stood to help too, and the two walked into the kitchen, Ryo speaking over his shoulder. "Are you sure it's okay though? You've only just met him, and--"

 

"It's probably a good idea to get my mind off Tomohisa," Tatsuya interrupted, and Nishikido paused, looking thoughtful. Tatsuya placed the bowls into the sink, but Nishikido shouldered him lightly out of the way.

 

"I'll do this," was all he said, before setting to work. Tatsuya leant his hip against the counter. "Have you been thinking about him?"

 

Tatsuya hummed. "I've lived with him for years. It's hard to suddenly not have him around, and not have anyone to check up on you every few hours."

 

It was difficult to be free.

 

He missed Tomohisa. He missed him and yet he feared him, and it was all very confusing.

 

Nishikido nodded, his forearms currently submerged in soapy water. "Well, that makes sense. You've been in that routine for years."

 

"Yeah." Tatsuya grabbed a teatowel, ignoring Nishikido's protests, and began to dry the dishes Nishikido was washing, setting them to the side once he was done. They didn't speak much, the room filled with the sounds of the water and the porcelain hitting the counter. It was a different kind of peaceful.

 

"I haven't been out with someone else for two years," Tatsuya suddenly realised, and Nishikido paused.

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah... Tomohisa was always jealous, so I wasn't allowed to." Tatsuya laughed a little bitterly. "I'm sorry if I act weird."

 

Nishikido elbowed him. "You act weird anyway. We wouldn't notice any difference," he said, and Tatsuya laughed.

 

"Shut up."

 

>>><<<

 

Nishikido woke Tatsuya up by practically falling down the stairs the next morning.

 

"Nishikido? Are you okay?" he asked, almost flying out of his room to see Nishikido sitting somewhat dumbstruck on the third step from the top.

 

"Uh. Yes. I think so," he said, standing and wincing. "My butt thinks otherwise, though."

 

"Why are you rushing down the stairs?" Tatsuya asked, helping Nishikido stand back up.

 

Nishikido checked his watch and grimaced. "I'm running late," he said, and Tatsuya realised belatedly that Nishikido was dressed in a suit, his tie hanging loose around his neck. "Look, Ueda, I've really gotta run - see you later, okay? I'll be back in time for dinner."

 

"Goodbye," Tatsuya said, as Nishikido flashed him a smile and ran down the stairs, quickly grabbing his briefcase. "Have a safe trip!" he called, pausing a little.

 

Nishikido smiled again. "Thanks. Have a good day with Kame." And with that, he was gone, walking through the door. As the door closed behind him, suddenly the house seemed so much bigger, and Tatsuya wasn't sure what to do without Nishikido.

 

Oh, right. Kamenashi. Tatsuya checked the clock on the wall - eight o'clock - and supposed he should get ready. Kamenashi was meant to come at eight thirty.

 

Tatsuya knew that this was Nishikido's way of making sure he was alright. Kamenashi could keep an eye on him. But it was kind of okay.

 

Tatsuya stared out the window. Sunny. Okay. Nishikido and he had raided Tomohisa's house beforehand and brought back some of his clothes. Nishikido hadn't let Tatsuya walk into the bedroom, though, and Tatsuya was rather glad. He didn't need to see all that again.

 

Dressing for Kamenashi was difficult. Was this shirt okay, or this one? Does it match those pants? Not those pants, stupid-- the other ones. The other ones are better. He eventually settled for a grey shirt and jeans, looking at himself in the mirror in the bathroom. No scars visible. A bit of bruising here and there, but that was alright. They could be easily explained.

 

Fall down the stairs. Accident in the kitchen. Fall in the shower.

 

The doorbell rang, and Tatsuya jumped, laughing at himself. It's just Kamenashi. He made sure he was finished getting dressed, patted down his pockets - phone and Nishikido's spare key were firmly tucked in there - and headed downstairs.

 

"Hey, Ueda!" Kamenashi chirped, when Tatsuya opened the door. He nodded. "Ready for today?"

 

"Yeah--"

 

"Great, let's get going!"

 

 

\--end of chapter 8  



	10. Tell Me Why (Chapter 9)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/)**natsuki_suzu**.

Kamenashi was evil. Tatsuya was certain of it.

His feet were killing him; his back ached; and he was laden with about fifty bags of things he didn't even know he needed, but apparently he did, according to Kamenashi.

"Did you... buy the whole store?" Nishikido asked as Tatsuya stumbled in through the doorway. Tatsuya glared.

"Kamenashi is the devil," was all he said before Nishikido laughed and went to help him.

"Where are you gonna put all this?" Ryo asked, following Ueda's lead and dumping the bags on his bed.

"I don't _know,"_ Ueda whined, staring down at the bags. "He's very persuasive."

"Oh, I believe you," Ryo laughed.

"What am I going to _do_ with all of this?"

 

>>><<<

 

The day with Kamenashi had been fun, Tatsuya had to admit, as he sat on his bed after dinner. They had shopped, and had lunch - Kamenashi had treated him to sushi - and then they had shopped some more. His feet were killing him, and he was sure he had created a severe dent in Tomohisa's bank account, but he was happy. He was smiling.

And he hadn't even thought of Tomohisa once.

Tomohisa.

 

>>><<<

 

A thud sounded from upstairs and Ryo was running, leaping up those stairs as fast as he could, pounding on Ueda's bedroom door in a panic. "Ueda? Ueda, are you alright?"

When Ueda didn't answer, Ryo opened the door to find him sitting on the floor against the bed, hugging his knees. Ryo dropped to his side, a tentative hand reaching out, almost touching him, but thinking better of it at the last second.

"Ueda?"

"Go away." Ueda's voice was cold and harsh, but Ryo wasn't deterred.

"No. My house, my rules. Now tell me, what happened?" Ryo asked, and Ueda slowly turned his head to face him.

"I forgot about Tomohisa."

"What?"

"I forgot about him. I did, I--" Ueda's breaths were coming out in short gasps suddenly, and Ryo had to put an arm around him, ignoring how Ueda was trying to shrug him off, and pulled him close. "I forgot him, Nishikido."

"What are you talking about?" Ryo asked softly.

"I didn't think of him once today," Ueda practically whispered, and everything fell into place.

"Ah."

"He's going to be so angry," Ueda said, sitting up again and looking at Ryo with a frightening panic in his eyes. "He's going to yell at me. He's going to think I don't love him anymore-- oh god, he's going to--"

"Tatsuya, _breathe_ ," Ryo said, trying to calm the other down. Ueda nodded, taking deep breaths. "You didn't forget him," Ryo continued, in a gentler voice, "You don't need to think about him all the time. You still love him. It's okay."

"No, it's not--"

"You had fun today, didn't you?" Ryo asked suddenly, standing up. Ueda watched him with careful eyes.

"Yes."

"Want to show me what you bought?"

Ueda climbed to his feet, every movement looking as though it pained him. The bags were still on his bed, untouched since he had dumped them there that afternoon.

"What's this?" Ryo asked, pulling something furry out of one of the bags. "It looks like you ran over a skunk."

Ueda laughed, and Ryo smiled. "No, it's a hat-- give that here," he said, snatching it out of his hands. He quietened again, staring down at the hat in his hands as Ryo gazed at him. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For acting like that."

"It's not a problem," Ryo smiled, taking the hat out of Ueda's hands and pulling it over his hair. "There you go."

He felt a pang of something deep inside as Ueda smiled a little, but ignored it. Ueda needed him more than his emotions did right now.

"I'm here if you need me, okay?" Ryo said, and Ueda nodded.

"Thankyou."

They spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out where Ueda would put the clothes he had bought. Ryo was of no help, throwing the clothes at Ueda as he tried to make room in the small chest of drawers in that room, until Ueda turned with his hands on his hips and stared at him.

That was when Ryo dived head-first onto the bed, sending the rest of the bags and clothes toppling to the floor.

Ueda laughed, lightly hitting Ryo's foot as he tugged a sweater out from under him. "Stop that. You're not helping."

"I'm being a wonderful help, thankyou very much."

 

>>><<<

 

Ryo didn't know if this was a good idea or not, but he supposed that it was too late to take it back. Kame and Jin had tried to stop him, but he didn't listen to their whispers over the phone, choosing instead to listen to himself.

And to listen to Ueda.

The prison was rather formidable-looking, with its stark grey walls and it's wire fences, and Ryo was kind of regretting his decision a little. "Thankyou for this," Ueda said, shifting in his seat, and Ryo just nodded tightly.

"It's okay," was all he said, parking the car.

They went through all the security checks and more security checks and then they were led through into another area. Their footsteps echoed off the grey of the walls and the floors, and every step made Ryo feel worse and worse, filling him with this kind of dread that he feared. He really didn't want to be here.

He couldn't read Ueda's expression either. He was carefully blank.

Just in case, Ryo held onto the hem of Ueda's shirt to show him that he was there for him. Ueda turned, questioning look in his eyes, and Ryo smiled tightly.

They came to a door, and were led in. There were tables placed sporadically around the room, officers standing against the walls whilst prisoners spoke to their families and friends. The officer who led them there was gesturing to a far table, where Yamashita was sitting, slumped in his chair.

"Breathe," he heard Ueda whisper next to him, before they started to walk over. Yamashita looked up as the officer took his spot at his shoulder.

"I'll wait here," Ryo said, and stood to the side, pretending not to listen and glancing around the room. He heard the chair scrape against the floor as Ueda sat down, and snuck a look over.

Yamashita looked terrible. His eyes were red and there were deep bags under them; his hair was shorn close to his head; and his skin looked pallid under the fluorescent lights. His eyes looked lost.

"Tatsuya?" he asked, and Ueda nodded.

"Hey, Tomo," he said, and Ryo could almost hear the tiny smile he knew Ueda must be wearing.

"Tatsuya-- I miss you so much-- I-- I am so, so sorry," Yamashita stuttered, tripping his own words in his haste to say them. He sat up in his chair, and Ryo could see he was aching to take Ueda's hands in his own. Ueda's hands were lying under the table, curled into fists on his knees.

"Yeah."

"I was stupid-- I was so stupid. Please forgive me, I'll never do that again, baby," Yamashita continued, and Ryo felt eyes on him. He wasn't sure if they were Yamashita's or Ueda's though. He was watching a rough-looking man talking to his wife. Not eavesdropping.

"Baby?" Ueda asked, rather thoughtfully. "You've never... called me that before."

It didn't seem like Yamashita had even heard him. “When I get home, I’ll quit that job. We’ll move into the city, into a little apartment, and you can have that dog you’ve always wanted. I’ll let you work, too, and you can bring your friends over.”

“And... you won’t... hit me?”

Ryo turned, stomach dropping. “No,” Yamashita said forcefully. “No, I won’t.”

He couldn’t stand any more. “Ueda? Time’s up,” he said, briefly touching Ueda on the shoulder to get his attention. Yamashita’s eyes flashed dangerously.

It all happened very quickly. Ueda stood, and Ryo turned, and then Ueda was making a strangled noise behind him and there was shouting. Ryo turned back to see Yamashita grab onto Ueda’s upper arm tightly, slamming him into the table. Ryo shouted as the guards leapt at Yamashita, wrenching him away from Ueda and pulling his arms behind his back. Ryo grabbed hold of Ueda, instinctively pushing him behind him as Yamashita struggled in the guards’ hold.

“Alright you two, time to leave,” another guard said, ushering them back through the door as Yamashita called out to Ueda.

“Tatsuya, please!” he kept repeating, but Ueda wasn’t answering, arms folded in front of him and head down, focused only on getting the heck out of there. Ryo just followed.

They said nothing until they had gathered their meagre possessions and had made their way back to the car. They sat there in silence, the engine off, just sitting, mulling things over in their minds.

“I don’t believe him,” Ueda suddenly said, and Ryo looked at him.

“Hmm?”

“I don’t. He promised me everything I ever wanted. But I don't believe him.”

“And I don’t believe you,” Ryo said softly.

“...yeah.”

Ryo turned the car on as the first tears fell.

The radio was on - some new song about scars and love and falling and cursing. There was a lot of cursing. It was a rather cloudy day out today. Ryo wondered whether it would rain or not. Speaking of which - had he done his washing for the day? Or did he do it yesterday? He had to make dinner tonight, too. Hopefully he had something in the cupboard. Wait-- yes. Yes, he had chicken fillets, and potatoes, and there may have been some kind of vegetables in his fridge.

Was Ueda still crying? “Ueda?”

“Yep. Yep I’m okay,” Ueda said hurriedly, wiping his face. “I’m good.”

“Are you scared?” Ryo found himself saying, even though he had been trying to leave it alone.

“Terrified,” Ueda laughed, sniffling. “Absolutely terrified.”

Maybe this had been a bad idea, after all.

 

>>><<<

 

Kame practically _flew_ at Ueda when he walked through the doorway, pressing his hands to Ueda’s cheeks and checking him over, as if he could see any emotional scars on his body. “Are you alright? What happened? You’ve been crying. You’ve been _crying!_ Ryo, what did you do?” Kame fussed, dragging Ueda away from the rather shocked Ryo, pulling him up the stairs.

“...Nishikido?” Ueda called, as if to ask for help.

“Come on, Ueda,” Kame said, tugging on his arm. “Come tell me all about it.”

And then the two were gone, disappearing into Ueda’s bedroom, leaving Ryo and a rather disturbed-looking Jin in the entrance. “Um,” was all Ryo said.

“Yeah,” Jin answered. “Did I just lose my boyfriend to Ueda?”

Ryo laughed. “As if Kame would ever part from your side,” he said, nudging Jin into the kitchen. “I need a drink.”

“What happened there?” Jin asked, pulling a beer out of the fridge for Ryo, who took it gratefully. “Why was Ueda crying?”

“Yamashita went a bit... crazy,” Ryo admitted, after a long drink. “He grabbed Ueda.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. He was so... creepy-looking too,” Ryo continued. “Like... he’d lost his mind or something.”

“Something... being Ueda?”

“Hmm?”

“Maybe he’s going crazy cause he lost Ueda?” Jin offered, and Ryo paused.

“That... makes sense.”

“Yeah well. He’s been in control over every part of Ueda’s life, but now he hasn’t seen him for weeks, and has no idea where he is,” Jin continued. Ryo nodded. That made perfect sense. “Also, I think we should go save Ueda from Kame.”

“Oh, right. Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” Ryo laughed, before Ueda was running down the stairs and stopping in the doorway of the kitchen. “Uuh. Are you okay?”

“He’s insane,” was all Ueda said.

“Kame?” Jin asked, and Ueda nodded furiously. Jin sighed. “What has he done now-- nevermind, I’ll go find him.” With that, Jin was gone in search of Kame, heading up the stairs.

“What did he do?” Ryo asked.

“He was trying to get me to go shopping with him,” Ueda said, reaching for a beer. “I don’t think I ever want to go shopping with him again.”

Ryo laughed. “That’s probably for the best.”

 

\--end of chapter 9  



	11. Tell Me Why (Chapter 10)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/) **natsuki_suzu**.

"Hey, Ueda."

"...Yes?"

"I've got an idea."

"What is it?"

"You'll see."

Ueda had strict instructions to bring absolutely nothing. Completely bewildered, Ueda followed Ryo into the car, shooting him curious looks as Ryo drove. But Ryo still said nothing, not even sparing him a glance and keeping his eyes firmly on the road in front of him.

Ueda had been a little down lately - understandable, really - so Ryo felt it necessary to cheer him up. And because he didn't really know Ueda's interests too well, he thought of the only thing he could that never failed to make him happy.

"The zoo?" Ueda asked as they drove through the grand entrance, following the signs to the carpark.

"Maybe."

Ueda turned to him. "Kamenashi already tried to help me by taking my mind off things--"

"Yes, but I'm not Kame, am I?" Ryo asked, parking the car.

"Well, no, but--"

"But nothing, come on."

The zoo wasn't too full - it was a Thursday and most people were at work. There were a lot of tourists, Ryo noticed, and quite a few school groups, boys and girls both decked out in their uniforms, clipboards clutched to their chests as they listened intently to their teachers. "Where did you want to go?" Ryo asked, looking about. He hadn't been to the zoo in years, ever since his mother had stopped taking him and his brothers, but he could still remember walking through that entranceway, his hand tightly held by hers.

When Ueda didn't answer, Ryo just started walking aimlessly, watching ducks and pigeons wander about, undisturbed by the humans around them. Ueda followed, eyes wide.

"Are you okay?" Ryo asked, a little worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine... I haven't really been to a zoo since... since I was ten," Ueda said, a little surprised at himself. "We went for school."

Ryo said nothing, content to just listen. They wandered a while, looking into enclosures and talking, exchanging stories about their childhoods and laughing over the animals. The zoo had new exhibits and new animals that Ryo hadn't seen up close before, and it was a little exciting to see them like this. With Ueda.

Stop it, Ryo. Stop it _right now_.

He shook his head, turning away from Ueda's smile as he watched polar bears splash around their pools. "Nishikido, are you alright?" Ueda asked, and Ryo nodded.

"Yep. Fine."

Ueda gave him a look but dropped it, looking at the map he had picked up from a nearby stall. "They have red pandas," he murmured, and Ryo turned.

"Eh?"

"Red pandas," he repeated, looking up with this spark in his eyes. "Can we go there next?"

"Er," Ryo started, wanting to go see the lions next - he liked lions - but paused when he saw Ueda's hopeful face. "Yeah, sure."

Ueda smiled widely, reaching forward to grab onto Ryo's wrist and drag him back the way they had come. Ryo let him pull him, amused at the side Ueda was showing him. He hadn't really seen Ueda allow himself to have fun yet, and he was glad that he was slowly opening up. He hadn't mentioned Yamashita for about two days, since they had gone to see him in prison.

Ryo wondered if Ueda had nightmares.

He never brought it up though. Ryo supposed that if he had a problem, he would have to wait for Ueda to come to him first.

But something in Ryo felt light as Ueda smiled, feeling like he had finally done something right. The past few weeks, all he seemed to have done was remind Ueda of the life he had left behind. It felt good, being able to be the reason behind his smile for once.

Ueda slowed as they reached the enclosure - tucked into a small quiet corner of the zoo, where the only other enclosures were two large bird aviaries. There were birds of different colours and sizes, all ignoring them for the pieces of fruit their keepers had thrown into their cages, squawking happily as they ruffled their feathers.

Ueda looked up, craning his neck into the tiny forest of trees that was the red panda enclosure. "Where do you think they are?" he whispered as he searched. Ryo shrugged, reading the little plaque with interest. He didn't know much about red pandas. He had never really paid much attention to them, really. "Oh--"

Ryo looked up as Ueda tugged on his sleeve, and saw a furry little animal peering down at them from the safety of it's branch. "It's... so cute," Ryo whispered, and Ueda laughed. It wasn't what Ryo had been expecting; rich orange in colour with fuzzy black paws, a white mask covering it's cat-like face. It really was cute.

Ueda had this... well, _adorable_ smile on his face as he watched it. "I love red pandas," he said. "I don't know why. I always have."

Ryo smiled back, even though Ueda wasn't paying him any attention. "That's kinda cute."

"How so?"

"No idea," Ryo said truthfully, and Ueda stopped admiring the little animal to turn and look at Ryo. He just smiled.

"Oh, you wanted to see the lions. Shall we go?"

"Okay."

 

>>><<<

 

They stayed there for about four hours, wandering through the zoo with icecream cones in their hands and smiles on their faces. It was nice - for both Ueda and Ryo, really. Ryo found that he had more fun than he had anticipated, loving Ueda's company and his soft way of talking. There were moments of silence, when Ryo knew that something was occupying Ueda's mind, but that was okay, he figured. Ueda shouldn't have to completely forget Yamashita.

And anyway, Ryo wasn't in charge of telling Ueda what to think.

He checked his phone when he was back in the car, a ridiculous elephant-shaped hat on his head and a tiny turtle plushie in his hand (for Kame). He didn't buy Jin anything, because Jin never appreciated anything he did for him. Unlike Kame. Kame was _nice._

Ryo paused as he looked at his phone. He had five missed calls from Jin, and four from Kame. There was a text message from Kame that read _'Call as soon as you get this'._ There was another from Jin: _'TURN YOUR FUCKING PHONE ON, DICKHEAD'._

"Shit," was all Ryo said, quickly putting the phone to his ear and listened to the dial tone.

"Hello?"

"Kame, it's me, what the fuck happened?" Ryo asked, and Ueda turned to throw a confused look in his direction. "Tell you later," Ryo said and Ueda nodded.

Kame sighed. "More Yamashita stuff," he started. "The hospital called."

"The hospital?" Ryo repeated, and felt Ueda's eyes back on him. "What happened?"

"Uuh-- I'll-- I'll tell you once you get home. I don't want Ueda to panic," Kame said, sounding rather stressed.

"Oka--" But Kame was gone, yelling something to Jin before hanging up. Ryo stared at the phone for a while until Ueda made a noise in his throat.

"Is everything okay?" Ueda asked, looking a little worried. "Was that Kamenashi?"

Ryo nodded, feeling sick. It couldn't be good news if Yamashita were in hospital, especially because he had been taken there from prison. What was so bad that Kame was panicking about it?

The ride home was spent in silence, with Ueda throwing concerned glances to Ryo every so often. He said nothing, though, content to wait until Ryo told him. He had a ridiculous amount of trust in Ryo, so much so that Ryo wondered if he even realised.

Ueda hurried after Ryo when he pulled into the driveway and almost leapt out of the car. "Nishikido, what's happening?" he asked, trying to keep up with Ryo's long strides.

Ryo didn't answer, opening the front door and rushing in. "Kame?"

"Oh, you're home," Kame said, appearing from the kitchen and setting his cup down. He walked over to them, a concerned look on his face. "We need to talk," he said, not to Ryo but to Ueda, who was looking even more confused than before.

Jin stood in the background, watching as Kame took Ueda's hands in his and lead him to the couch. Ryo followed, sitting upon the coffee table with Kame. "No, really... what's going on?" Ueda asked, his words this time laced with anger. "Tell me."

"Well... I got a call from the hospital," Kame said, and Ryo turned to him.

"Wait, what? I gave them my home number--"

"Yes, they called here and I answered it."

"...Please give me back that spare key."

Kame rolled his eyes and held Ueda's hands as he spoke. Ueda was looking more and more uncomfortable, looking down at his hands in Kame's with his nose wrinkled. Ryo smiled a little.

"Ueda," Kame started. "Something happened to Yamashita."

Ueda's face fell. "What?"

"He, uh-- he's not well, Ueda," Kame continued, and Ueda frowned.

"How... How do you mean?"

"He... um..."

Jin appeared, startling Ueda slightly as he sat next to him on the couch. "He tried to kill himself," he said, matter-of-factly, pressing a hand to Kame's knee.

"What?"

"He tried to slit his wrists," Jin continued, and through the shock of the news Ryo watched Ueda's face fall.

"W-- Why?" he asked, staring down at his hands, which were being squeezed by Kame.

"They wouldn't tell us over the phone," Jin said, nodding to Ryo. "...Are you alright?"

"I just-- I think-- I don't know," Ueda stuttered, and Ryo stood.

"We're just going upstairs for a second," he said, taking Ueda's hands out of Kame's gently, "I think we need to talk."

Ueda looked at him gratefully. It must have been a little overwhelming, what with Kame and Jin all over him. "Thankyou," he said, and Ryo nodded, smiling reassuringly.

They sat on Ueda's bed, Ueda still staring at his hands. "What did you want to do?" Ryo asked eventually, when Ueda hadn't said anything for a while.

"I can't see him," Ueda said immediately. "I just can't. Not after last time."

"...But?"

Ueda sighed. "But... But I need to know how he's doing," he said. "I need to know he's okay. I need to tell _him_ it's okay."

Ryo nodded. "It's completely up to you," he said, and Ueda looked at him. "But I do think that it's a bad idea to go see him."

"Yeah..."

"I'll leave you alone," Ryo murmured, already in the doorway when Ueda stopped him.

"No, it's okay, I've already made up my mind."

 

>>><<<

 

It was a rather rainy day, so Ryo and Ueda sat on the couch, huddled under their own quilts and sipping their steaming tea as they blankly watched a game show. Ueda's eyes kept flicking to the telephone, even though Kame and Jin had said that they'd only phone them after they had left the hospital. Since they had only left about half an hour ago, Ryo found it highly unlikely that they were already done.

Kame had offered to go in place of Ueda, which was beyond the call of friendship, but he refused to let the subject drop until Ueda allowed him. Jin was completely against it, being the ever-protective boyfriend he was, and so only let him as long as he could go along too. Ueda had watched the whole exchange between them with his head tilted to the side and a thoughtful look on his face.

Ryo wondered if he was thinking about his relationship with Yamashita. Probably. Jin was protective to the point where Kame was sometimes quite exasperated, but he would never lay a hand on Kame. Never. Ryo knew Jin would rather die than hurt Kame.

Ryo wasn't entirely sure what to do to make Ueda feel better, so he just sat there, gently blowing on his tea and watching him from the corner of his eye. Ueda sipped gently at his tea, his eyes glassy as he stared at the wall.

Ryo didn't know what to say.

 

 

>>><<<

 

Tatsuya didn't know what to say.

Waiting was the hardest part. Just sitting there with his tea waiting for that phone to ring was harder than he had thought. He wondered how Kamenashi and Akanishi were doing.

He wondered how Tomohisa was. What was wrong with him? Why had he tried to kill himself? Was it because of how Tatsuya had acted the other day at the prison? Tatsuya wanted to regret his actions but found he couldn't. He couldn't find it within himself to feel sorry about walking away that day.

Tatsuya just wasn't entirely sure what to do. He wanted nothing more than to go to the hospital and cradle Tomohisa's head in his lap, and run his fingers through his hair. He wanted Tomohisa to tell him everything that was wrong. He wanted to make it all better for him. But at the same time, he knew he needed to stay away. He knew he had to cut all ties with him, or he would end up hurt again - not just emotionally but physically.

And it was really these thoughts, thoughts of those bruises and scars and breaks that had Tatsuya quickly coming to his conclusion that yes, he needed to take control of his life. He couldn't go back to the life now.

The phone was ringing.

Nishikido leapt for the phone, fumbling with it a little before pressing it to his ear. "Kame?"

Tatsuya could only stare at Nishikido's face, grateful that Nishikido was horrible at hiding his feelings and so could see every emotion that played across his face. He listened hard, trying to hear Kamenashi on the other end; he could vaguely make out Kamenashi's voice but that was about it.

"Shit, are you serious?" Nishikido asked, closing his eyes. Tatsuya sat further up in his chair, eyes wide. "Fuck." A few more noncommital noises later, and Nishikido was nodding, thanking Kamenashi and hanging up. Tatsuya had crossed the room and latched onto his arm without even thinking about it.

"What happened?" he asked, panic in his eyes. Nishikido put a hand to the one around his arm, smiling a little.

"Calm down and I'll tell you."

It was worse than he had thought.

Tomohisa had tried to kill himself - not only by slitting his wrists, but by hanging himself. There were rope burns around his neck. He was still unconscious.

The doctors had said that there had been signs of rape.

Tatsuya felt breathless. He sat there on the ground - he had fallen off the couch at some point - staring up at Nishikido who was looking more and more worried by the second, clutching Nishikido's arm like a lifeline. "Are you alright?" Nishikido asked, his eyes soft.

"Yeah," Tatsuya said gently, slowly letting go of Nishikido's arm.

Nishikido slid to the floor, pulling Tatsuya into a hug. Tatsuya froze a little, still wary, but once he recognised the scent of Nishikido and realised that yes, he needed this, he relaxed. He curled his fingers into Nishikido's shirt lightly, resting his forehead on Nishikido's shoulder, focusing on breathing as his thoughts whirled around his mind.

He knew now that he needed to go and see Tomohisa. He knew that he couldn't just let this go; he needed to see him. "I want to see him," he muttered, and he felt Nishikido nod.

"I know."

 

>>><<<

 

Tatsuya hated hospitals. He had been in too many the past few weeks. Nishikido was right next to him, offering support without even saying anything, and Tatsuya never really realised how much he needed that. Nishikido never really pushed, instead letting Tatsuya come to him in his own time.

Nishikido poked his side when he was drifting off into his thoughts - he often got lost within them - and he jerked. "Yes?"

"I'll stay here," he said, smiling tightly as he backed away to the rows of seats behind them. "You should go by yourself."

The worst thing was that Tatsuya kind of wanted him there with him. But still he nodded and kept walking on towards Tomohisa's hospital room. He paused when he saw the security guard standing by the doorway.

The door to the hotel room was ajar, and he could just see Tomohisa lying on the bed, surrounded by an awful lot of... well, _white_. He took another look at Nishikido, who was probably playing solitaire on his phone, judging by the constant grimaces on his face. Tatsuya smiled a little, before turning back to the door.

He paused as he heard Tomohisa's voice.

"I didn't mean to hurt him, you know," he was saying, and Tatsuya stopped dead, his hand on the door. The security guard was eyeing him suspiciously, even though he had permission to enter, but Tatsuya didn't care. It seemed like Tomohisa was talking to a nurse. She was smiling - a very fake smile, Tatsuya could tell - as she changed his bandages.

"I love him so much," he said, his voice soft.

Tatsuya faltered. He knew that voice; he knew that tone. His heart beat faster, and he took a step forward, his hands pressing against the door.

"I would never hurt him on purpose - it was just-- I was so worried about him, talking to this strange man, and-- I wanted him to know that I loved him, and--"

And then Tatsuya looked at his hands; saw the bruises that still refused to fade. He saw the pain and the hurt that Tomohisa had inflicted upon him, flashes of that horrid night appearing before his eyes like a storm.

But... But then there was a hand on his back, and he turned, startled. Nishikido. Nishikido was there, his eyes soft with worry. "You've been standing here for ten minutes," he said. His voice was just as gentle as Tomohisa's had been. "Are you okay?"

It was then that Tatsuya made up his mind.

"Yeah," he said, shaking his head a little. "Let's go."

  


\--end of chapter 10


	12. Tell Me Why (Chapter 11)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/) **natsuki_suzu**.

  
Tatsuya was so confused.  
  
No, it wasn't confusion. It was every single possible emotion criss-crossing inside his mind so fast that it was dizzying. He was grateful that Nishikido had left him alone once they had arrived home, giving him a smile before going into the kitchen.  
  
Maybe he was in shock. That still didn't sound right, but for now, it would do.  
  
Tatsuya sank down to the floor, staring blankly ahead. He blindly grasped for something - anything - and ended up clutching onto the bedspread as he stared down at the ground. He wasn't entirely sure why he was on his knees, but he knew that there were tears dotting his jeans as they fell from his eyes. He didn't know why they were there, though.  
  
His eyes caught upon the wardrobe door, which was slightly ajar. Tatsuya wiped at his eyes harshly before crawling to the wardrobe, pushing the door further open and digging through the clutter on the floor to get to the back corner. He dragged out a low wooden box, moving to sit cross-legged with it propped in his lap. He took a deep breath, and opened it.  
  
Memories flooded in like a harsh wind, surrounding him and overwhelming him. Yet he smiled through his tears, gazing at the old photos piled atop one another. His face smiled back up at him from next to an equally happy Tomohisa.  
  
He didn't know how long he sat there going through the photos. He started a little as Nishikido knocked on the door, opening it a little. "You okay in here?" he asked, and Tatsuya nodded, even though Nishikido couldn't see him.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"I have tea."  
  
"Better come in, then," Tatsuya said, making no move to stand up as Nishikido elbowed the door open and made his way to him.  
  
Nishikido said nothing as he carefully took the cups off the tray and set them in front of the two of them. He knelt next to Tatsuya, his arm just brushing his, and peered down at the mess of photos now spread across the carpet. He looked up at Ueda with a curious expression on his face, and Tatsuya had to smile.  
  
"I found these photos..."  
  
"Yes, I see that."  
  
Tatsuya laughed a little, wiping the tears away with his sleeve. "I almost forgot about them."  
  
Nishikido picked one up from the pile, looking at it carefully. "Your hair used to be blonde?" he asked, pointing at a nineteen year-old Tatsuya, who was being hugged by Tomohisa. Tatsuya nodded, wrinkling his nose.  
  
"Yeah. Tomohisa should have stopped me from doing that," he said, and Nishikido laughed. "I was rebellious back then."  
  
"Really?" Nishikido asked, sifting through more of the photos. "Can't imagine you as a rebel."  
  
"Oh, I was," Tatsuya continued, shifting so he could see the photographs Nishikido was looking at. "I pierced my ears; wore a hell of a lot of black and had all this spiky jewellery." He laughed a little, remembering that part in his life. He remembered sitting with Tomohisa late at night in the middle of a park, watching as the smoke from their cigarettes floated up into the dark sky. He had rebelled against everything - against society, against his parents, against his own image.  
  
"I like this hair, though," Nishikido said, lifting up another photograph. Tatsuya took it from him. It was his long black hair, and Tatsuya grimaced at that one, too. "No good?"  
  
"The hair I like. It's the time of my life that I don't," Tatsuya said. "I was withdrawn and kind of... trying to find my place. Tomohisa helped." Nishikido nodded in understanding. It was funny, Tatsuya thought. His life seemed dictated by his hair. Tomohisa loved his hair. He always had.  
  
Tatsuya blinked down at the photographs in Nishikido's hands, thinking. "But I like your hair better now," Nishikido was saying, when Tatsuya snapped back to attention. "It's nice."  
  
"Oh. Thank you," Tatsuya said, sipping at his tea and feeling a little uncomfortable. He remembered Tomohisa's fingers stroking his hair. He remember the way Tomohisa's fingers would grip his hair, forcing his head back as he--  
  
No.  
  
"Ueda? Are you okay?"  
  
"Fine," Tatsuya answered, belatedly realising that his hand was shaking, and quickly set his cup back down. "I think I just need--"  
  
"Oh!" Nishikido exclaimed suddenly. "Dinner!"  
  
Tatsuya had to smile as Nishikido gathered their cups and quietly exited the room, closing the door behind him. It was too early for dinner. Nishikido was just giving him the space he wanted.  
  
Tatsuya's fingers lingered on an old photo of Tomohisa.  
  


>>><<<

  
  
"Ueda?" Ryo called, walking into the house and toeing his shoes off. "You here?"  
  
The house was deafeningly quiet. Ryo didn't worry though - Ueda was his own person now, he could go wherever he pleased - but he did think that maybe Ueda would be back by now. Ueda liked to be back inside before it became too dark.  
  
So Ryo carried about his business, changing out of his suit and into more comfortable clothes. He set his briefcase down on the kitchen table and opened it, sighing as he stared at the work inside - he had to bring some home. Had to tie up some loose ends before he left for America. Ryo decided to leave dinner until Ueda was home.  
  
With a cup of coffee next to him and a frown on his face, he started on his work, shuffling through sheets of crisp white paper as the sun began to set. His laptop keys clicked away as he typed.  
  
He sat back in his chair after a while, rubbing his eyes and yawning widely. He blinked at his watch. "Shit," he muttered.  
  
It was almost eight.  
  
"Ueda, where are you?" Ryo muttered, glancing up to the door and back to his work. He tried to ring Ueda's mobile phone but it just went to his voicemail; Ryo hung up without leaving a message.  
  
The next person he rang was Kame. "Ueda?" Kame asked. "No, I haven't seen him-- Have you lost him again?"  
  
"I didn't lose him," Ryo sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. "I haven't seen him today, and I'm just--"  
  
"Worried?"  
  
"Well... yeah."  
  
"It'll be okay," Kame said in that reassuring voice of his, "He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."  
  
"Can he?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Kame was the one to cut the line and Ryo stared at his phone awhile, trying to think. Where could Ueda go at this time of night?  
  
Instead of waiting for Ueda to come home, he decided to go out and search.  
  
He didn't know Ueda well enough to know if he had any usual haunts. Ryo tried Yamashita's old house, then Koyama's little supermarket. Koyama looked at him a little confused before shaking his head and shrugging.  
  
"Sorry, Nishikido-san," he said, looking a little upset. "I haven't seen him in weeks."  
  
Ryo nodded, sighing a little and preparing to turn back, but Koyama stopped him with a small, "Wait..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"He used to like going to the park; maybe that's where he's gotten to," Koyama suggested. "He used to come in here after sitting in the park for a while."  
  
"How do you know?" Ryo asked.  
  
"He always came in here afterwards. He'd tell me about his day," Koyama said, a little smile on his face. "I kind of miss him."  
  
Ryo thanked Koyama and headed back out to the street. He knew where the park was; it was only a few streets away. That was when the first few drops of rain started to fall.  
  
Ryo ran faster, blinking the wet hair out of his eyes as the rain worsened. The sky was dark and the streetlights cast eerie light onto the wet asphalt, but Ryo kept going, stopping only when he reached the park.  
  
He panted, looking about to try to figure out which way to go. Right. Right sounded good. The park was bigger than he remembered, but he kept going, the rain pounding down upon him. The ground was slippery and he almost fell quite a few times, but managed to right himself at the last moment.  
  
And then... there he was.  
  
He quickly dialled Kame's number. "Found him," he panted when Kame answered, and quickly hung up again. He would probably get in trouble for that later, but that was okay.  
  
Ueda was standing there, completely drenched. His hair was in his eyes but he didn't seem to notice, so focused on the little family of ducks enjoying the rain a few feet away from him. Ryo cocked his head, watching Ueda. His face was thoughtful, yet a little confused.  
  
"Ueda?" he called softly, but his voice was carried away by the rain. "Ueda," he tried again, a little louder, and Ueda turned.  
  
"...Nishikido?" he asked, disbelief in his eyes. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Looking for you," Ryo said, stepping forward a little.  
  
"Me?"  
  
"I was worried," he said. "What're you doing?"  
  
Ueda turned back to the ducks, watching them. There were two older ones and about seven fluffy ducklings, who were running backwards and forwards and chirping happily as the rain showered down upon them. "What's wrong?" Ryo asked again.  
  
"They can cope with anything," Ueda answered, and Ryo's eyebrows furrowed.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The ducks. Look at them; they're loving the rain," Ueda said. "They can cope with anything thrown their way but I..."  
  
"You what?" Ryo prompted softly.  
  
"I can't. Tomohisa hurt me so much and now he's out of my life but here I am, complaining about it..."  
  
Ryo stared. "What're you talking about?" he asked, and Ueda tore his eyes away from the ducks to look at him. "Of course you can cope-- of  _course_  you can! You've been through so much - so much more than anyone should even have to go through - but you've pulled through it and come out of it with your head held high." Ueda was shaking his head but Ryo wasn't done with him yet. "And it's okay to not be able to cope. It's okay to cry, Tatsuya. You're the strongest person I have ever known, and I respect you so much," he finished, watching the way Ueda's eyes widened at the use of his first name.  
  
"But I'm not--"  
  
"Yes, you are," Ryo said firmly. "You are so much more than you think you are."  
  
Ryo didn't realise that Ueda was crying until he brought a hand up to swipe angrily at his eyes. "I'm sorry, I--"  
  
"Don't apologise," Ryo laughed, moving closer to hit him on the shoulder lightly. "Let's just go home; I'll order Chinese for dinner."  
  
Ueda nodded, his eyes to the ground, and Ryo smiled before turning around. But then there were arms around his waist and he stopped dead, eyes wide. "...Ueda?" he asked, but Ueda just shook his head against Ryo's shoulder, and Ryo let it drop, his hands coming to rest on Ueda's own.  
  
And so they stood there, in the middle of the park with the rain pouring down upon them, Ueda's arms wrapped around Ryo. Ryo wasn't sure what was going through Ueda's mind - confusion, hurt, frustration - but he let him be, gently stroking Ueda's wrist with his thumb.  
  
Chinese takeout would just have to wait.  
  
  
\--end of chapter 11


	13. Tell Me Why (Chapter 12)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/)**natsuki_suzu**.

  
  
Nishikido was at work. Tatsuya had nothing to do, so he was currently attempting to clean his room. He hadn't cleaned it since he arrived, and there were clothes all over the floor - as a guest, he was a little upset at himself. Tatsuya threw his dirty clothes into the washing basket, blowing the hair out of his eyes. There were small reminders here and there, but nothing too bad; Tatsuya found he could glance past them all.  
  
He knelt onto the ground, peeking under the bed in case he missed a sock or something, and found a slip of paper under it. He pulled it out - it was one of the photographs from the other day. It must have fluttered down there when Tatsuya was packing them away again.  
  
It was an old photo. Tomohisa was wearing a wide grin, his arm wrapped around Tatsuya's waist. Tatsuya could see the confusion in his own eyes as he looked up at him from the photograph. That morning, Tomohisa had hit him for the first time - Tatsuya could just see the purple bruise peeking out from under his sleeve from where Tomohisa had grabbed his wrist.  
  
Tomohisa's face looked as gentle as it always did. His eyes were soft and his smile was wide, and Tatsuya remembered how their friends were all wondering why Tatsuya wasn't as happy as Tomohisa that day. They had all said that he was so lucky to have someone like Tomohisa.  
  
Lies.  
  
Everything was all lies.  
  
This time, Tatsuya wasn't upset. The tears in his eyes weren't those of sadness.  
  
They were of anger.  
  
He scrunched the picture up in his hand, standing up and throwing it at the wall. It hit the wall with a quiet, unsatisfying noise and Tatsuya growled, moving instead to punch his mattress before falling onto it. His anger dissippated into nothing; Tatsuya was tired. Just... tired.  
  
He sighed, cushioning his head on his arm and staring at the open door. Nishikido wouldn't be home until later. Maybe he should make lunch or something.  
  
Nishikido...  
  
Tatsuya's face flushed as he thought of the night in the park. He buried his head into his arms but the images were still there just behind his eyelids. He could still feel it all; the way the rain poured down upon him, his hair falling into his eyes, the warmth of Nishikido's body. There had been this irrepressible urge to wrap his arms around him... and so he had. He hadn't hugged someone like that in a while, but Nishikido was safe. Nishikido was... comfort.  
  
Yeah.  
  
Tatsuya couldn't help but smile when he thought of the way Nishikido's thumb had rubbed small circles onto the back of Ueda's hand.  
  
Nishikido hadn't said anything once Tatsuya had stepped back. He had waved away all of Tatsuya's stumbling apologies and given him a little wink before leading the way home, jumping in puddles and laughing when the water splashed over Tatsuya's legs.  
  
The containers from the Chinese take-out place were still sitting on the coffee table.  
  
But then his mind drifted to Tomohisa, as it often did, and the smile fell from his face. It wasn't as if he hadn't loved him. He did. And there was still this lingering affection for the man who would tuck Tatsuya's hair behind his ear and press barely-there kisses to his shoulder, but the fear was stronger. Fear, and anger, and sadness.  
  
So much sadness.  
  
But Tomohisa was gone, now. Gone from Tatsuya's life. Tomohisa was in prison, and Tatsuya was no longer living under his roof. He wasn't being controlled by him anymore.  
  
Never again.  
  
It was kind of like he was on automatic, the way Tatsuya stood and stared back at the scrunched up photograph before moving towards the downstairs bathroom.  
  
It didn't take him long; ropes of beautiful copper fell to the floor in elegant waves, folding over each other on top of the white tiles of the bathroom. The clippers felt strange against his scalp, cold and a little ticklish, but he kept going, kept drawing the clippers over his head until his hair was all on the floor. Tatsuya stared down at it all - there was more than he thought there would be - and blinked. He ran a hand over his newly shaven head, feeling the odd tickles of the hair left against his palm.  
  
Finally, he turned to meet his own eyes in the mirror. He was still the same. His face was the same - his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his chin, everything was still the same. Nothing had changed.  
  
It looked strange without all that hair. Strange, but also kind of good.  
  
He felt lighter.  
  


>>><<<

  
  
"I'm home," Ryo said sleepily, tossing his bag onto the nearest couch and trudging his way into the kitchen. He could smell something delicious floating out from the open door and he moaned a little. It smelled like curry. Ryo liked curry. Ryo liked curry a lot. "Ueda?"  
  
"I'm here," Ueda called from the kitchen. Ryo poked his head around the corner.  
  
"Hey, is that cu--" Ryo stared, his mouth falling open a little. "Ueda?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Your hair seems to have fallen off," Ryo said a little weakly. Ueda turned from the stove and laughed.  
  
"I shaved it. Does it look okay?" Ueda asked, running a hand over his head and looking a little self-conscious.  
  
"Uuh." Ryo was speechless. "I think it'll take a while for me to get used to it," he laughed nervously. "It looks... different."  
  
"Different is good," Ueda murmured, and smiled widely. "I made curry!"  
  
Ryo stared. Was this the same person he'd been comforting for the past few weeks? There was this light in his eyes that Ryo hadn't seen there before. "Yeah... Yeah I see that," Ryo said, walking over to him and peering over his shoulder. "Looks nice."  
  
Ueda  _beamed_. "Thank you!"  
  
Dinner was ready quickly and they soon took their places across from each other at the large dining table. "Are you alright?" Ryo asked quietly as they ate. The curry was as delicious as it smelt.  
  
Ueda looked up. "Yes, I'm fine."  
  
"You're just... acting different," Ryo said carefully. Ueda chuckled.  
  
"Yeah. I've been thinking about things," he said with a small smile. Ryo nodded, watching him. "I want to be happy."  
  
Ryo nodded again, smiling. "I'll be glad to help you find your happiness, then," he said eventually, and Ueda smiled widely.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
  
>>><<<  
  
  
Ueda's happiness was difficult to find, it seemed. Ryo wasn't entirely sure where to start looking for it. It looked like Ueda was unsure too.  
  
Ryo started with Koyama.  
  
Ueda came shopping with him for the first time in a long while, holding the basket as Ryo checked off the things they needed. It was rather nice, having a helper. It was also rather nice to turn around and see Ueda with his soft eyes watching him.  
  
Koyama practically beamed when he saw Ueda. "I've missed you!" he cried, and Ryo was sure he was going to leap over the counter to hug Ueda, but he managed to reign himself in.  
  
Ueda bowed a little. "I'm sorry for worrying you," he said, but Koyama just waved a hand.  
  
"I like your hair," he said, as he scanned their groceries.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Ueda and Ryo exited the shop with Koyama's phone number in their hands.  
  


  
>>><<<

  
  
"I haven't made friends in forever; how is this meant to go again?" Ueda asked as Ryo picked out his clothes for him.  
  
Ryo laughed. "You're  _already_  friends with him."  
  
"I am?"  
  
Ryo nodded as he pulled out a thin white shirt for Ueda to wear, holding it up against Ueda's body. "Yeah, this one'll do."  
  
"Who are you meeting today?" Ueda asked, taking the shirt from Ryo and slipping the coathanger from the inside.  
  
"Oh." Ryo paused. "Just a friend and his boyfriend. I promised him I'd take him out for Italian, but I never did," he laughed, scratching the back of his neck and perching on the corner of Ueda's bed. "I kind of forgot," he added.  
  
Ueda was staring at him. Ryo stared right back, feeling something give in his heart. Those eyes, no longer concealed by that long copper hair, were beautiful, staring right through him. "Ueda?" he asked quietly.  
  
"Can you get out?" Ueda asked bluntly, and Ryo blinked, his moment over.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I kind of want to get changed, and--"  
  
"Oh, yeah, right-- I'll just--" Ryo tripped over himself as he left the room, shutting the door behind him. He didn't see Ueda laugh.  
  
He needed to get changed too. Right. Yes.  
  
Ryo walked into his own room, his heart beating too fast. He stared at his own reflection in the mirror attached to his closet door, sighing. What was he even  _thinking?_  The poor guy had just been through all that shit, and now he was trying to move in on him? Ryo shook his head, trying to dispell the thoughts running through his head.  
  
Ueda was really pretty.  
  
No!  _No._  He had to concentrate on finding something decent to wear. Yes.  
  


  
>>><<<

  
  
Tegoshi gave him the biggest hug when he walked to their table, grinning so widely that Ryo was worried his face was going to split in two.  
  
"I couldn't believe it when you rang," Tegoshi said, pulling away so Ryo could sit. He nodded and smiled at Massu, who grinned back.  
  
"He's been sniping about this for ages," Massu said, pulling apart his bread roll. "He's been waiting for you to ring."  
  
"Shut up Massu," Tegoshi chided, slipping into the seat next to him. "And don't fill up on bread."  
  
"I won't!"  
  
"Have you guys ordered?" Ryo asked, but the other two shook their heads.  
  
"We were waiting for you," Tegoshi answered, flicking his blonde hair out of his eyes. Tegoshi was pretty, Ryo thought. He had fine features and big brown eyes, with a small nose and wide smile. But not like Ueda.  
  
They ordered spaghetti - Massu had lasagna - and spent the rest of the night catching up on each others' lives. Tegoshi asked about Ueda; Ryo told him as little as he could. Apparently Massu had gotten a promotion at work and was now head mechanic. Tegoshi was still hacking computers for a living. Ryo didn't want to know what kinds of things he had to hack in order to make a sustainable income.  
  
He missed this. Sure, he had Jin and Kame, and now Ueda, but he missed these two.  
  
Whilst Ryo was having dinner with Tegoshi and Massu, Tatsuya was waiting out the front of a cafe, hugging his arms to his chest and looking up and down the road. He was wearing the clothes that Ryo had picked out for him but had added a thick knitted beanie as an afterthought, and he now tugged it further over his ears.  
  
Koyama appeared around the corner, a grey scarf wrapped around his neck and a thick black coat around his body. His hands were in the coat pockets as he walked, the zippers on his boots clicking when he moved. He smiled widely when he noticed Tatsuya waiting, picking up his pace to reach him quicker.  
  
"Hi," he said breathlessy. Tatsuya smiled.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"Have you been waiting long?" Koyama asked, looking worried. When Tatsuya shook his head, he smiled again. "Oh, good. Shall we go in?"  
  
The cafe was a sweet place. They chose a booth tucked away in a small corner of the place, sliding into their seats with contented sighs. It was warm inside, and Tatsuya hummed happily. Koyama flashed him a smile.  
  
"Are you okay?" Koyama asked, watching as Tatsuya ran his fingers over the wooden table, his fingertips finding the knots in the wood.  
  
"Hmm? Yes, yes I'm fine," Tatsuya answered. "I'm just-- I haven't done this in a while," he admitted, ducking his head.  
  
"Done what?" Koyama asked, unwinding his scarf and setting it next to him.  
  
"Gone out with anyone."  
  
"Oh, but-- This-- No, I think--" Koyama stuttered, and Tatsuya cocked his head.  
  
"What?"  
  
"This isn't a date," Koyama said bluntly, and Tatsuya laughed.  
  
"No, no-- You misunderstand." Tatsuya bit his lip as he tried to figure out how to explain everything to Koyama. "I haven't been out with a friend in quite a few years." Kamenashi and Akanishi were different. They were Nishikido's friends, not his. Koyama was his.  
  
"Why not?" Koyama's eyes were soft and comforting, and Tatsuya found himself telling him everything. Everything from his high-school romance with Yamashita to moving in with him. He paused after the story about the first time Yamashita hit him, staring at the tears in Koyama's eyes.  
  
"Are you okay?" Tatsuya asked, causing Koyama to laugh and wipe at his eyes.  
  
"Sorry, I'm emotional," he said, waving a hand. "Please continue."  
  
So Tatsuya did. He told the story as if he weren't even in it, as if he were just a mere bystander watching as these events unfolded. There was no emotion in his story; nothing but facts.  
  
Koyama was a good listener. He was quiet, slowly sipping at the coffee they had ordered earlier, his eyes never leaving Tatsuya's. Every so often he would interrupt when he didn't understand, or when names were mixed up, or when Tatsuya had stumbled over his own words so much that they were incomprehensible.  
  
He gasped when Tatsuya told him of  _that_  night.  
  
"I had no idea," he breathed, when Tatsuya was finished. Tatsuya blew at his now-warm tea and sipped at it.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So that was why there were bruises on your face?" he asked, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to remember back to those days. "You always said... You always had excuses for them. I just thought you were clumsy."  
  
Tatsuya shook his head. "I'm not that clumsy."  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't notice it earlier," Koyama said with a sigh, staring down into his coffee. "I mean-- Now that I think about it, it's all right there... It's so obvious."  
  
Tatsuya smiled wryly. "It's okay, Koyama. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want anyone to know..."  
  
"But then Ryo came along," Koyama said with a cheeky smile. "What's all that about?"  
  
"What's all what about?" Tatsuya asked, playing innocent as he sipped his coffee.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
They moved on to talk about Koyama. Tatsuya found that he knew next to nothing about him, even though he'd known him for a few years now. Koyama was younger than him but not by much, had a cat that he seemed to adore, had a girlfriend by the name of Nao and had a best friend by the name of Shigeaki.  
  
"You should meet him," Koyama said. "He's awesome."  
  
Before they knew it, two hours had passed, and Koyama was checking his watch carefully. "I'm really sorry, Ueda," he said apologetically, "But I have to leave - I'm meeting Nao soon for a date."  
  
But Tatsuya was shaking his head. "No, you're right... I should get back too." He didn't.  
  
They stood at the same time and said their good byes outside the cafe, once they had paid - Koyama's treat. "I'll see you soon," Koyama said cheerfully. "Today was fun."  
  
Tatsuya ducked his head. "I'm glad."  
  
"Next time I'll bring Shige; I really think you two will hit it off," he said, beaming.  
  
Tatsuya nodded. "Okay... Good bye, Koyama."  
  
"Bye, Ueda. Your hair... I really do like it," he laughed, turning.  
  
When Koyama turned the corner, Tatsuya stood on the side of the road, watching the cars speed by in flashes of metallic colours, the sounds of their tires on the slightly wet road somehow comforting to him. It was then, as he saw his own reflection in the shop window across the street, standing there with his shoulders up around his ears to try and keep the cold at bay, that he made a decision.  
  
He needed a job.  
  
  
\--end of chapter 12


	14. Tell Me Why (Chapter 13)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/) **natsuki_suzu**.

  
  
Kato Shigeaki was a tall man with a mess of black hair and thickly framed, sensible-looking glasses. He was always very presentable, except for that hair; he wore a lot of ties and vests, Tatsuya noticed. He smelled like books. It was a nice, comforting smell, and Tatsuya warmed to him immediately.  
  
He owned a rickety old bookshop in the middle of town, a tiny little building that seemed like it should be falling apart at the seams but managed to keep standing. There were shiny new stores at either side of it but Tatsuya didn't see those bright lights and neon colours, his eyes focused instead on the black, brown and gold of the bookstore. Everything was absurdly organised inside despite the amount of books on the shelves, all leading to one small table.  
  
"If you're here for the job, it's yours," Kato announced, pulling sheets of paper from drawers. Tatsuya could only watch as he pieced them all together, looking a little flustered.  
  
"What job?" Tatsuya asked quietly, and Kato stilled.  
  
"The one on the window."  
  
"Oh. No, I didn't see that."  
  
"Oh." Kato's shoulders slumped. "Okay."  
  
"...Wait a second." Tatsuya held his hands up to tell Kato to wait as he quickly ducked back outside, finding the sign stuck to the window. In big black letters (and a few exclamation marks), it said quite plainly that the bookstore needed an assistant, ASAP, please inquire within, must be able to work flexible hours and be able to clean.  
  
He walked back in with a smirk on his face. "I'll apply for it," he said casually, and Kato looked up, surprised.  
  
"Oh! Oh, okay-- Let me just-- Oh, thank you--"  
  
Tatsuya laughed as Kato flapped around his desk, pulling more papers out and stuffing others back into the drawer. "I don't have a resume or anything though, I'm sorry," Ueda said, but Kato didn't seem to hear him.  
  
"Just fill these out," Kato said, flinging the papers at Ueda and scrambling for a pen.  
  
"What are they?" Ueda asked, walking over and peering at the papers.  
  
"Stuff I need to know about you for the job: name, age, address, if you're an escaped convict," Kato answered, leaning forward and narrowing his eyes. "That last one seems pretty likely, with that haircut of yours."  
  
Tatsuya's hands flew to his hair. "Oh," he laughed nervously. "That's not-- That's just--"  
  
"Personal?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I get it."  
  
"Could I... take this home with me?" Ueda asked, biting his lip. Kato looked at him. "Only... I've just moved in with someone and I'm not entirely sure of the address."  
  
"Oh. Yeah, okay," Kato smiled, nodding his head. "Makes sense."  
  
"Well, I should--"  
  
"Yeah, you go, then," Kato said, watching as Tatsuya collected the papers together. "I'll see you later...?"  
  
"Ueda," Tatsuya filled in for him. "Ueda Tatsuya."  
  
"Kato Shigeaki."  
  


>>><<<

  
  
Tatsuya almost bounded through the door when he came home, unable to keep the smile from his face. "Ryo?" he called.  
  
"Here," Ryo answered from the lounge room. Tatsuya could see the top of his head over the back of the couch.  
  
"I just applied for a job," Tatsuya said happily, bounding over to him. Ryo sat up and turned.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes!" he waved the papers in Ryo's face before looking at them again. Ryo blinked, but laughed. "I had to bring these home."  
  
"Need help with them?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
It didn't take them long. Ryo helped him with the address and the home telephone number; Tatsuya made coffee and watched him work.  
  
"What were your previous jobs?" Ryo asked, pen poised over the papers that were in his lap. Tatsuya stared.  
  
"I didn't-- I didn't have one," Tatsuya said slowly, peering over Ryo's shoulder.  
  
"You--"  
  
"Well it wasn't like Mr. Crankypants was going to let me have one, was it?" Tatsuya chucked at his own humour, but Ryo just bit his lip.  
  
"Okay then." Ryo sighed.  
  
"Oh come on, that was funny," Tatsuya laughed, flopping back onto the couch next to Ryo and poking his knee.  
  
"You're too happy today," Ryo grumbled, trying to move his knee out of Tatsuya's way, but Tatsuya just followed. "Why are you so happy?"  
  
"Am I not allowed to be happy?" Tatsuya asked, pausing, his head cocked to the side.  
  
"Well-- N-- That's not what I meant!" Ryo spluttered, but Tatsuya just laughed and poked his side instead. "Careful, you'll spill coffee all over my couch."  
  
"You'd love that," Tatsuya said, settling back and watching as Ryo went back to the forms. "It'd give you something else to complain about."  
  
"You don't have to take this job," Ryo murmured softly.  
  
Tatsuya froze as Ryo looked at him, his eyes a puzzle of confusion and something else. His eyes were darker than they normally were; there was this warmth that radiated from him in waves and Tatsuya found himself leaning forward into that warmth. Ryo took a deep breath, his eyes flicking down to Tatsuya's lips for the briefest of seconds, those seconds enough for Tatsuya to think okay, okay, this could work. Ryo was comfort; Ryo was home. Ryo was leaning in, his hand just touching Tatsuya's knee, and Tatsuya couldn't breathe.  
  
And then the phone rang.  
  
They sprang apart, Ryo leaping to his feet to answer the phone as Tatsuya closed his eyes tightly, resting his head in his hands. His mind began to buzz, blocking out Ryo's voice in the other room completely. Would he have kissed him? What would it mean if they  _had_  kissed? Tatsuya took a sip of his coffee, staring blankly at the wall as his mind reeled.  
  
Well, this was certainly interesting. And confusing.  
  
He snapped back to his senses when Ryo perched on the couch next to him. "That was Koyama," Ryo said. Tatsuya sat up again, staring at Ryo's hands as they hung limp by his sides. "He said you got the job."  
  
Tatsuya stared up at him, confused, before turning to the half-finished papers on the table. "Huh?"  
  
"Apparently he knows the guy who runs the store you went to," Ryo explained, smiling slightly.  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"That's great, isn't it?" Ryo asked, cocking his head to the side. "I thought you wanted it."  
  
"I do," Tatsuya said, looking up at him. "Why don't  _you_  want me to have one?" he asked, and to his surprise, Ryo looked nervous.  
  
"Just-- I just thought... you could stay here a little longer," Ryo admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. Tatsuya stared.  
  
"What do you--"  
  
"I don't want to sound like-- like  _him_  or anything," Ryo said quickly, shooting Tatsuya a worried glance. "But I just... I like having you around. I don't want you to work so close after losing him." Ryo's voice was soft, comforting. Tatsuya smiled.  
  
"Thank you," he said, surprising Ryo.  
  
"For what?" he asked, laughing nervously. He slipped off the couch and grabbed the papers from the table, looking down at them.  
  
"For caring," Tatsuya murmured. Ryo looked up sharply, a whirl of emotions in his eyes. "For-- For always caring."  
  
"No problem," Ryo muttered, turning so he wasn't facing Tatsuya anymore. "Of course I care," he added, just as he was about to leave the room. Tatsuya felt all warm inside from those simple words; it was something he hadn't felt in a very long time. His heart beat faster as he watched Ryo leave, a tiny smile making its way onto his face.  
  
Huh.  
  


>>><<<

  
  
"What're you doing here?" Kame asked, kicking at Ryo's foot. "Get off my couch."  
  
"No," Ryo retorted, flicking through the channels on Kame's television. "I'm staying right here."  
  
"But why?" Jin asked. "You never come over any more, now that you've got that new puppy."  
  
"What new-- I hate you," Ryo sighed. Jin grinned.  
  
"No, you don't."  
  
"What's up?" Kame asked, giving up on Ryo and setting himself down next to Jin carefully.  
  
"Ueda's gonna start work," he said into the cushions. Kame hummed and sipped at his coffee.  
  
"So?"  
  
"Ryo's gonna miss him," Jin answered, with a funny sort of smile on his face. "I think Ryo's grown quite attached to him."  
  
Kame laughed and shouldered Jin. "Really? Ryo, are you--" Ryo buried his head further into the cushions. "Oh. Oh, Ryo."  
  
"Yeah. So that happened," Ryo mumbled, and Kame sighed.  
  
"You can't."  
  
"I know that," Ryo said sharply, sitting up and staring at the television. "I know."  
  
"Ryo, that's..." Kame trailed off, standing up and biting his lip. "You..."  
  
"I think he gets it, babe," Jin whispered, hooking his fingers through Kame's belt loops and pulling him back. Kame sighed again as Jin lowered Kame down onto his lap.  
  
"I don't-- I mean, I know it's bad," Ryo said. His eyes were on the television but his mind was on that man. He didn't know how this had all happened. One day he was Ueda Tatsuya, the man who he had helped, and the next, he was something... completely different.  
  
Tatsuya shone now.  
  
And Ryo really... liked that.  
  
"Stop," Kame warned.  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
But Ryo couldn't do anything about it. About these feelings. Tatsuya was just too precious, too fragile, and Ryo didn't want to do anything to make him shatter. Again. Ryo had seen him broken one too many times, and to be the cause of it would be horrible. He didn't even want to think of that. He never wanted to see him like that again.  
  
Then he would think back to the other day, when Tatsuya had leaned forward... Did he feel the same?  
  
"Did something happen?" Kame asked suspiciously. Ryo shook his head.  
  
"No."  
  
Kame didn't look satisfied, but Jin was pressing light kisses up his neck and he quietened. Jin was good at distracting Kame. Ryo should give him more credit.  
  


  
>>><<<

  
  
"I'm home," Ryo called.  
  
"Oh!"  
  
Tatsuya came rushing around the corner, crashing into Ryo and bouncing right back off him with a stunned look on his face. "Are you okay?" Ryo asked, laughing. Tatsuya just shook his head.  
  
"I'm fine!" he beamed, and Ryo felt his stomach flip. Oh no. Stop that. "Someone rang for you before - someone from your office or something?"  
  
"My office?" The office barely rang his home number unless it was an emergency - or unless Maruyama had gotten stuck in the elevator. They'd lost count as to how many times that had happened.  
  
Tatsuya nodded as he walked back to the kitchen, retying Ryo's apron around his waist. "They said it had something to do with some trip or something. Are you going on a trip?" he asked, turning back and looking at Ryo with excited eyes.  
  
Ryo paused. "Yeah. Yeah, kind of. I'll ring them back later," he said, rubbing the back of his neck and sighing. Tatsuya was still watching him with those soft eyes. "It's-- It's a business trip thing. I need to go to America for a week or two for a few conferences and stuff, it's not--"  
  
"So you're leaving me?" Tatsuya suddenly said, and Ryo's head snapped up to watch his face. He looked... not exactly sad, but disappointed. Worried, maybe. "Well-- Not-- Not leaving  _me_ , but-- but Kamenashi and Akanishi too, and--" Tatsuya's face was red and his stuttering was adorable; Ryo couldn't help but smile. "And-- Shut up, don't you laugh at me."  
  
"You're just so cute," Ryo said, before he even realised it. Tatsuya froze and so did Ryo. "I...er--"  
  
There was a high-pitched whistling sound from the kitchen that seemed to unstick Tatsuya. "Oh-- Dinner--"  
  
Once Tatsuya had rescued dinner and they were sitting across from one another at the table, Ryo started again. He was going to forget that he had just called Tatsuya cute. That never happened.  
  
"I leave in a week," he said, picking at his rice with his chopsticks. Tatsuya nodded.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"You'll be fine," Ryo tried, smiling at him, but Tatsuya didn't look up.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"What's up?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"It's not 'nothing', something is--"  
  
"Leave it, Nishikido," Tatsuya snapped, his voice almost dangerous. Ryo kicked his knee from under the table, making Tatsuya jump.  
  
"Tell me," Ryo demanded. "Tell me now."  
  
"It's nothing--"  
  
"You know what I hate?" Ryo interrupted, stabbing at his rice now. "I hate it when people lie to me. I hate it more than I hate fish."  
  
Tatsuya's eyes went wide. "You hate--"  
  
"Yes. I'm not eating dinner, by the way," he added, taking a look at the fish laid out in front of him. Tatsuya sighed. "I hate-- Why can't you just tell me?"  
  
"Why can't you leave it alone?" Tatsuya snapped back. "Why can't you  _ever_  just leave it alone!?"  
  
Ryo stared. Tatsuya looked like he'd said too much and was now biting his lip, watching Ryo closely. "Right," Ryo said, feeling like he'd been hit by a train. "Right."  
  
"Look, I--"  
  
"I get it."  
  
Ryo pushed away from the table and headed upstairs, still feeling like his chest was constricting. Tatsuya called for him again but he ignored him, slamming his door like an upset teenager and pacing before his mirror. Backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, until his chest was heaving and he felt like he was suffocating.  
  
He had never really thought about the fact that maybe Ueda had wanted to be left alone, all those weeks ago. Was he-- Was he regretting it? Did he hate Ryo for helping? Did he--  
  
Ryo sat down on his bed, head in his hands as his mind whirled.  
  
"Ryo?"  
  
Ryo didn't answer.  
  
"I didn't mean it," Tatsuya said from the other side of the door.  
  
"Then why did you say it at all?" Ryo asked.  
  
"I'm sorry," was all he said. "I'm coming in."  
  
"Don't--"  
  
He did. Tatsuya perched down on the bed so close to him that his arm was touching Ryo's and it burned; all he did was sit there with him but it felt like he was doing so much more.  
  
"I didn't mean it," he said softly. "I really... I do appreciate what you did for me. If it weren't for you I... I don't know where I'd be right now," Tatsuya said, trying to catch Ryo's eye. "I'd probably be half-dead but still foolishly in love without any hope of escape..." Tatsuya sighed, and placed a hand on Ryo's cheek so he could turn his face towards him. "Ryo. I never really thanked you, did I?" Tatsuya's eyes were a mess of emotions as he tried to find the right words; he had always been the one to be rescued and cared for but right now, Ryo needed him, needed his words. "Thank you. For everything. You were-- You're amazing."  
  
Ryo licked his lips. "Then why-- Why did you say those things?" he asked. Tatsuya's palm was warm against his cheek and he sighed, melting into the touch even though he knew he shouldn't. Tatsuya didn't seem to mind.  
  
"You get yourself into all sorts of trouble, don't you?" Tatsuya laughed, moving his hand away so he could stretch his arms over his head. Ryo missed that warmth. "I bet you stick your nose in places it doesn't belong all the time, huh?"  
  
"Not at all," Ryo said gruffly, turning back to stare at his own hands. He heard Tatsuya chuckle beside him before knocking him with his shoulder.  
  
"You're not too bad," he murmured, and Ryo had to smile.  
  
"You're kind of okay, too."  
  
"You called me cute before," Tatsuya said, after a moment of silence.  
  
"No, I didn't."  
  
"You did!"  
  
"Didn't."  
  
"You so did," Tatsuya laughed, poking Ryo's side. Ryo laughed but said nothing more, still mulling over Tatsuya's words from earlier (and trying to forget the whole 'cute' thing).  
  
And then he remembered.  
  
"Why did you freak out when I told you I was leaving?" he asked, and Tatsuya froze.  
  
"I... No reason."  
  
"What did I say before about that?" Ryo practically growled, and Tatsuya jumped. "Tell me."  
  
Tatsuya took a deep breath. "I just... What will happen to me?" he asked, but Ryo could tell those weren't the words he had been meaning to say. Tatsuya was a good liar - he would have had to be, lying about all those bruises before - but Ryo didn't like it. It hurt. Like Tatsuya couldn't trust him with those feelings and thoughts.  
  
But Ryo just sighed. "You can stay here," he said, before lying back on the mattress. Tatsuya watched him with a curious expression. "You'll be working, so you'll be busy anyway. You could go out with Kame or Koyama - stay away from Jin though, I don't trust him with you. Your free to do whatever you want."  
  
Tatsuya's eyes were shining when Ryo next looked into them. "Really? I can stay here?"  
  
"Yeah, of course, I told you that before," Ryo shrugged in an attempt to pretend to be nonchalant. "Where else would you go?"  
  
He wasn't expecting Tatsuya to wrap his arms around him in an awkward hug, but it was nice. Tatsuya lay half on top of him, his head to Ryo's chest as he breathed out a happy, "Thank you". Ryo hesitantly brought his hands to Tatsuya's arms, stroking his skin with his thumbs.  
  
"It's okay."  
  
They lay like that for hours, Tatsuya listening to the steady pace of Ryo's heart with Ryo's fingers ghosting over his arms. It was warm and comfortable, and Ryo found himself drifting to sleep as Tatsuya shifted so he was lying next to him, curled into his warmth.  
  
  
  
\--end of chapter 13


	15. Tell Me Why (Chapter 14)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/)**natsuki_suzu**.

  
Copper hair and deep brown eyes haunted his dreams. Blood against walls, against floors, across his face and hands and hair. Trusting glances and secret smiles; warmth and love and affection that he just threw to the side. Like him.  
  
Tomohisa remembered the warmth of his skin against his; remembered all of his soft kisses. He shouldn't be allowed to remember. He didn't deserve it. He felt dirty just thinking about him in the most innocent ways - those little smiles Tatsuya would give him, or the way his fingers would curl around his coffee mug - because he shouldn't be allowed. Not anymore. He ruined that. He ruined  _him_.  
  
Maybe he ruined himself.  
  
Everything was everywhere. His mind... His mind wasn't right. He knew that. As he ran a shaky hand over his shaved head, he was reminded of how badly things had gotten. How out of hand he had become. He knew it wasn't okay. He knew this wasn't right. He knew he was breaking him; he knew he was hurting.  
  
Sometimes... Sometimes he let himself cry. When everyone was sleeping and no-one was paying him any attention, he would curl himself into the corner and sob. Tears of sadness; tears of regret. Maybe they were empty tears. He didn't know. Maybe he cried for Tatsuya, but he doubted it. His mind wouldn't let him.  
  
He still loved Tatsuya. Oh, how he loved him. His heart ached with the thought that he had done something like this. Something  _this bad_. Sometimes he couldn't even believe that he had done it. He couldn't... understand why. But when that switch was flicked inside, everything changed. He didn't know how to stop it or when it would happen, just that it did. He never, ever believed that it would come to this, though.  
  
Tomohisa could still see the scene in front of his eyes and he hated it. He hated what he had become. He hated seeing Tatsuya's fearful eyes... hated seeing that man protecting him. He wasn't Tatsuya's boyfriend, Tomohisa was. Who did he think he was, anyway? Coming into their lives and ruining everything. Taking Tatsuya away from him.  
  
Maybe that man was as bad as he was.  
  
But... Tatsuya seemed to trust him. Tomohisa didn't know why. He was a complete stranger who had stalked them and taken Tatsuya away... why did Tatsuya even like him? He'd known Tomohisa for years and years and years but then this guy showed up and everything had changed.  
  
Sometimes, when he was in a more clear state of mind, he would sit and think. This Nishikido probably saved both their lives. But other times... other times, Tomohisa wanted to choke him, wanted to feel his life ebb away so Tatsuya knew he was the only one for him. It was getting increasingly difficult to stop these thoughts, and that scared him.  
  
He'd tried to kill himself, once or twice. But something had always happened; Tatsuya would come home early from the store, or his mother would ring. But in here, in prison, there was no-one to stop you. There were people who would help you, but there was no-one who would really tell you to stop. It made him feel lonely and weak when he realised no-one would give a shit if he were gone; it would probably be a good thing if he were dead. Good for Tatsuya, good for Nishikido. Good for everyone.  
  
He drifted to sleep with thoughts of soft brown eyes and gentle caresses that he didn't deserve.  
  
He wondered if he would wake tomorrow.  
  
He knew he would, but he hoped he wouldn't.  
  
Better for everyone.  
  


>>><<<

  
  
Tatsuya awoke to the feel of Ryo's fingers curled into his shirt and his breath ghosting over his face. His alarm was ringing in his own room and he knew he needed to turn it off, but... Ryo's body was just so warm next to his.  
  
He snuggled closer instead.  
  
There were all sorts of warnings running around his head but he let them disappear. He ignored them. All he wanted right now was this; Ryo's body against his own, Ryo's face so serene as he slept.  
  
Ryo's fingers clutched tighter to Tatsuya's shirt; Tatsuya inched closer.  
  
"Tatsuya," Ryo mumbled, frowning in his sleep. Tatsuya jumped a little and watched his face with wide eyes. "Why are you awake?"  
  
Oh, so he was not asleep.  
  
"Alarm," Tatsuya whispered, and Ryo's eyes slowly opened. Tatsuya laughed quietly at the way Ryo's eyes tried to focus on his face so close to Ryo's own. "Good morning."  
  
Ryo just grumbled and hid his face in the crook of Tatsuya's neck, winding his arms completely around Tatsuya's back and drawing him closer. "Too early," he said. His words blew lightly across Tatsuya's skin, sending shivers down his spine.  
  
"You called me Tatsuya," was Tatsuya's response, and Ryo hummed.  
  
"Is that okay?"  
  
"Very okay," Tatsuya answered without pause. He liked the way his name sounded in Ryo's husky voice. "Can I--"  
  
"You can call me Ryo," Ryo interrupted, and Tatsuya smiled. Shaky hands reached up to clutch at Ryo's shirt in somewhat of an unstable hug.  
  
"I call you that anyway."  
  
"Oh. Tatsuya?"  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"This is nice and all, but you need to shut your alarm off," Ryo muttered. "Or I might have to kill you."  
  
"Oh, but we were making such progress," Tatsuya laughed, snaking his way - unwillingly - from Ryo's hold so he could turn his alarm off in the other room. He heard Ryo's bark of laughter behind him and smiled.  
  
The day had started off pretty well.  
  


>>><<<

  
  
Tatsuya's first day of work was... interesting. He'd never worked before, and was constantly pestering Kato about what went where and what these buttons did and why there were cobwebs in the corner.  
  
The bookstore wasn't exactly teeming with people, but every so often a curious customer would peek their heads in the door and smile to themselves before stepping inside. Tatsuya usually kept to the shadows, unpacking boxes and watching as the customers walked through the shelves, occasionally asking Kato if he could recommend anything. Kato wasn't stupid, that much was clear; he could talk about animals and machinery and history and law. He knew which books were good - Tatsuya had often heard him mutter that he wouldn't stock books that weren't good.  
  
Kato didn't know how to clean, apparently, so Tatsuya took it upon himself to fix the store up. He hadn't worked before, but heck, he knew how to clean.  
  
"When do we close on Friday?" Tatsuya asked, sitting behind the register and poking it.  
  
"You want to leave already?" Kato asked, eyebrows raised. "I'm not that bad, am I?"  
  
Tatsuya laughed. "I want to clean, and I can't do it with people here, can I?"  
  
"...Oh." Kato rubbed the back of his neck nervously, and Tatsuya's smile widened. "We could close a little earlier, I suppose..."  
  
Tatsuya beamed.  
  


>>><<<

  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because  _why_?"  
  
"Because I said so."  
  
"That's not an answer!"  
  
"It is in my language," Ryo retorted, a few grains of rice shooting out of his mouth and onto the table. Tatsuya grimaced.  
  
"You eat like a monkey," he said as Ryo carefully picked the grains up and stuffed them back into his already full mouth. Ryo rolled his eyes.  
  
"At least I don't look like one."  
  
"I know you don't mean that," Tatsuya smirked, and Ryo choked. "So will you come help me out at the store on the weekend?"  
  
"Isn't this your job?" Ryo asked, glowering at his rice.  
  
"But I want to clean it up; Koyama already said he'd come and help--"  
  
"And I'm sure Kame said he'd help too," Ryo muttered, and Tatsuya beamed.  
  
"Yep!"  
  
"Is Jin coming?" Ryo asked with a sigh.  
  
Tatsuya hummed. "Not sure. He said something about only going if you were going, so..."  
  
"So that means I'm going."  
  
"Yep!"  
  
"You are entirely too cheerful," Ryo muttered, stabbing his chopsticks into his rice. "Go back to being depressed. You were much easier to manage."  
  
Tatsuya laughed and flicked a piece of carrot at his head.  
  


>>><<<

  
  
Shige wasn't entirely sure of Tatsuya's great plan when five scraggly men arrived at his doorstep with assorted mops and brooms and buckets full of cleaning supplies in their hands. "It's not  _that_  bad, is it?" he asked, staring at Kame's bucket. "I know there are a few spiders here and there... and I know there's a family of mice living in the walls, but that's okay isn't it?"  
  
Kame took a sharp breath in. "Oh, you poor thing," he whispered. Jin rolled his eyes.  
  
"Could you be any more dramatic--"  
  
"He doesn't even know what's considered filthy--"  
  
"I think you brought the right people," Koyama laughed, stepping inside and hugging Shige. "Haven't seen you in forever!"  
  
"Yeah, it's been what? Two days?" Shige laughed, and Koyama whacked him. "Ouch!"  
  
"Three days!" Koyama corrected with a frown, and Ryo snorted.  
  
"I need to interrupt this," he said, shaking his head and pushing past the two. "Where are those spiders?"  
  
They got to work quickly. The windows and doors were opened to let fresh air in and all the chemicals and dust back out; sleeves were rolled up and hair tied back. Ryo looked good with a towel tied over his hair, but Tatsuya wasn't thinking of that. Not at all. Maybe just a little.  
  
They were under strict instruction to leave Mrs. Merryweather - one of the mice - and her children alone. Apparently Shige was rather attached to them. He'd made a little house for them and everything; Koyama made a strange cooing sound at the teeny tiny plates Shige left out for the mice.  
  
"They're just mice; they're not going to use tiny plates!" Ryo snapped, rolling his eyes. Tatsuya laughed.  
  
"They do!" Shige insisted. "They do though!"  
  
They started with the dusting; every single book had to be taken down and dusted before being placed in a careful pile. Shige flitted about for a while before he snapped and finally helped them - apparently they were doing everything all wrong.  
  
The night went well. As well as cleaning nights could go, that is. Jin and Ryo picked on Shige; Kame and Koyama stroked Shige's ego to cheer him back up.  
  
Tatsuya stood back and watched.  
  
Ryo was halfway up a ladder, two books in one hand as he tried to balance. He carefully passed the books down to Koyama, who took them with a smile and a nod before moving to clean them. Shige was standing with Kame, chatting animatedly with him about the cooking books they'd found; Jin was pulling faces at Kame behind Shige's back. At some point in the night, someone had switched an old radio on; crackly music filled the air and lifted the mood. Tatsuya laughed as Jin made a show of bowing to Kame before twirling him into his body, dancing oh-so-horribly but just good enough to make it funny. Ryo threw an old rag at them, but there was still a smile on his face.  
  
There was a soft squeak behind Tatsuya, and he turned to come face to face with a tiny grey mouse.  
  
"Hello, Mrs. Merryweather," Tatsuya said softly. She watched him with her small brown eyes, whiskers twitching as if to ask what was happening in the usually calm shop. "Oh, these are just my friends," he said with a smile, watching them make complete fools of themselves. "I have those now. Friends, I mean. I don't know them all that well yet, but they haven't left me. They haven't gotten sick of me. I can't be all that bad then, can I?" he asked, smiling down at the little mouse as she squeaked at him again. "I think... I think I deserve this," he said quietly. "I deserve them."  
  
"Lazy ass!" Jin shouted, finally realising Tatsuya wasn't actually cleaning at all. Ryo's eyes widened.  
  
"Hey!" he yelped. "You bullied me into doing this, you should be up here suffering with me!"  
  
"I'm coming," Tatsuya laughed, biting his lip. "I hope we're not keeping your children awake," Tatsuya added softly to the mouse. "I'll be sure to bring you something on Monday morning to make up for it."  
  
"Were you talking to a mouse?" Ryo murmured, once Tatsuya was near enough. Tatsuya laughed.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because she was listening."  
  
"...Okay," Ryo said, a funny little smile on his face. Tatsuya cocked his head.  
  
"What?" he asked, taking the books from Ryo and piling them up on the floor.  
  
"I like getting to know you," Ryo said in that gruff voice he'd often use when he was being soft in front of other people. "You're weirder than I thought you'd be," he added, lightly tapping the cover of a book against Tatsuya's forehead as he passed it.  
  
Tatsuya just laughed.  
  
  
\--end of chapter 14


	16. Tell Me Why (Chapter 15)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://natsuki-suzu.livejournal.com/)**natsuki_suzu**.

  
"I almost forgot you had to leave," Tatsuya said, sighing a little to himself as he watched Ryo pack away his things.  
  
"Yeah," was all Ryo said, concentrating on folding everything the right way so his clothes would fit in his suitcase. "Do you think I'll need a towel?"  
  
"I'm sure they have towels in America," Tatsuya laughed. Ryo nodded.  
  
"Right."  
  
Tatsuya watched him some more, admiring the way his hair fell into his eyes and the strong line of his jaw. There was this tiny smile lingering at the corner of Ryo's lips and he wondered what caused it. "What time do you leave?" Tatsuya asked, sitting up straighter and taking the clothes from Ryo and placing them into the suitcase for him.  
  
"About six tomorrow morning," Ryo answered, smiling quickly at him before turning back to the job at hand. "But my flight isn't until eight or so."  
  
"Okay," Tatsuya replied, picking at the leather falling from Ryo's suitcase.  
  
Ryo stared at Tatsuya as he rolled the buttons of his coat between his fingers. "Hey. You don't have to stay here by yourself; go stay with Koyama or Kame or something--"  
  
"No, I wanna stay here," Tatsuya said quietly. "If that's okay. I promise I won't steal anything--"  
  
Ryo interrupted him with a laugh. "I know you won't. That's not what I'm worried about, Tatsuya. I'm worried about you being on your own. Do you think you'll be okay?"  
  
"I'll be fine," Tatsuya laughed.  
  
"Yeah well-- If you're not fine, you just-- just ring Kame or someone, and they'll come keep you company--"  
  
"Ryo," Tatsuya said softly. "I  _will_  be fine. I promise."  
  
Ryo mumbled something as he passed Tatsuya a pair of socks to add to the suitcase. "I'll leave you my keys, alright? Tomorrow. I'll leave them downstairs on the table next to the front door so you can lock up when you leave for work, and--"  
  
"Ryo," Tatsuya laughed. "Calm down."  
  
Ryo cleared his throat. "Yeah-- Sorry."  
  
Tatsuya ignored him. "I have to get to work soon," he said, staring at the clock on Ryo's bedside table.  
  
"Yeah, probably," Ryo answered, still folding his clothes. "Shige'll maim you if you're late."  
  
"Ugh." Shige was lovely, really, and Tatsuya liked his company, but he was just... odd. "I caught him talking to a book the other day. I'm pretty certain he thought it was talking back."  
  
Ryo laughed. Tatsuya liked it when Ryo laughed; his whole face lit up with a fantastically beautiful smile. "Of course he did," he said, still chuckling. "How're those mice going?"  
  
"Pretty well," Tatsuya answered. "I think the babies are growing." Ryo just shook his head, that smile still on his face. "But I really should be going..."  
  
"Yeah, shoo," Ryo said, throwing one of his carefully folded shirts at Tatsuya, who dodged it quickly. "You're being a hindrance anyway," he joked.  
  
Ryo bent down to collect the shirt he had thrown as he watched Tatsuya walk back down the stairs. He sighed to himself as he folded it back up. Tatsuya... Tatsuya was amazing. He really was. Every part of Tatsuya was  _good_ , and Ryo was finding himself falling. He sighed again as he threw the shirt onto the pile of clothes in his suitcase. Kame was going to kill him.  
  
"I'll make dinner when I come back!" Tatsuya yelled from downstairs. "I'll make that fried chicken and rice you like!"  
  
Ryo groaned. Tatsuya was really not helping him with these stupid feelings at all.  
  


  
>>><<<

  
  
It took Ryo about two hours to pack, and about another hour to go over everything again. The house was quiet without Tatsuya - not that Tatsuya really made much noise in the first place, Ryo thought. It was going to be quiet for Tatsuya when Ryo was gone.  
  
Thoughts spun in Ryo's mind and he groaned again as he flipped his phone open and quickly dialed the number he knew best.  
  
"Ryo-chan!"  
  
"Tesshi."  
  
"Long time no see!" the other laughed on the other end of the phone.  
  
"Yeah, I know-- Listen, I have a favour to ask," Ryo said, perching down on his couch and hoping that Tegoshi would hear him out.  
  
"Of course you do," Tegoshi answered. "You always do, don't you?"  
  
"Don't give me that crap," Ryo snapped. "If you're angry, don't sugar-coat it with that cute voice."  
  
"Ryo-chan, I'm not angry, I just-- Massu, I am on the  _phone_!" Tegoshi suddenly yelled; Ryo jumped and held the phone away from his ear. "I don't want cooki-- The bunny shaped ones? With those funny little sprinkles you bought? Fine, I guess I can have one or two."  
  
"Excuse me."  
  
"Ryo-chan says hi!" Tegoshi said, laughing. "Massu says hi."  
  
"Hi Massu," Ryo deadpanned.  
  
"I already told him you said hello-- Why do you always have to ruin the flow of conversation?" Tegoshi huffed.  
  
"I'm just brilliant, I guess," Ryo answered.  
  
"So this favour..." Tegoshi prompted.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Do you know of any-- uh-- pet stores around?"  
  


  
>>><<<

  
  
Tatsuya didn't want Ryo to leave. He wasn't going to  _say_  anything though; that would be too forward. And anyway, Ryo was going on business. It wasn't like he was leaving forever; it was just two weeks. Tatsuya had managed to survive many years without a Nishikido Ryo in his life; he could live without him for two measly weeks.  
  
Maybe.  
  
Hopefully.  
  
Tatsuya sighed as he heaved a great big book up onto a shelf. "Careful with that one!" Shige barked. "It's a special order item, and it can't be damaged at all--"  
  
"Why are we putting it on the shelves if it's been specially ordered, then?" Tatsuya asked, sliding it into place and turning to pin Shige with one of his looks.  
  
Shige blinked. "Uuh. I'm not entirely sure."  
  
"Can I take it down then?"  
  
"...Can you be bothered?"  
  
"Not particularly."  
  
"Just leave it."  
  
Shige was fun, Tatsuya thought. Shige was someone he could pick on and annoy on purpose - Shige would never actually get angry, just flustered. With Shige, he could forget that he was the person who needed to be saved; he could forget that Yamashita lay in prison somewhere. He could forget the scars on his back and on his arms; he could forget his past. Shige was new. Shige didn't know all the crap he'd been through.  
  
Shige never asked about those times Tatsuya would jump when the door slammed too hard. He never asked about the times Tatsuya would shy away when he'd raise his voice just that little bit too loud. He never asked about why Tatsuya would run his hands over his own shoulders every so often, or why he was hesitant to be close to him, or why Tatsuya always balked when a customer talked down to him.  
  
Tatsuya didn't know whether Shige cared or not; Shige was a funny kind of person. Shige seemed to care more about books than even his own health. Tatsuya liked that, though.  
  
"So, Nishikido leaves tomorrow, huh?" Shige asked, passing Tatsuya a sandwich for lunch. Shige had taken it upon himself to make Tatsuya lunch; Tatsuya often forgot to bring his own.  
  
Tatsuya nodded before thanking Shige. "Yeah."  
  
"Gonna miss him?"  
  
"Yeah," Tatsuya answered truthfully. "I will."  
  
Shige decided that was the end of that conversation and stood back up, brushing breadcrumbs off his pants. "Back to work," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "He's going to come back, you know," Shige added quietly. "He's not going forever."  
  
Shige went back to the shop, leaving Tatsuya alone with his thoughts again. Shige was right, and Tatsuya knew that Ryo was going to be home in just a few weeks. But-- But... He was going to miss him something bad. It was going to be lonely - and the first time Tatsuya had lived alone since he had moved in with Yamashita. That was kind of a scary thought.  
  
With a sigh, Tatsuya headed back to work, his mind on Ryo the whole time.  
  


  
>>><<<

  
  
"I'm home," Tatsuya said, opening the door and stretching his arms over his head. Shige had worked him hard, making him unload all the new books that needed shelving on the highest shelves. Shige said it was to get his mind off things but Tatsuya knew it was because Shige was a little scared of the spiders up there.  
  
"Welcome home," came Ryo's voice from upstairs.  
  
"Did you move at all?" Tatsuya laughed, placing his bag down on the table before making his way upstairs.  
  
"Yes, I did-- Are you coming up here?" Ryo yelped, and Tatsuya paused.  
  
"Yeah--?"  
  
"No! Just-- Fine, but just-- stay outside the door."  
  
"I don't want to--"  
  
"Do it!"  
  
Tatsuya sighed and walked the rest of the way, standing outside Ryo's door and rolling his eyes before closing them. He crossed his arms, wondering what on earth Ryo was doing, when suddenly there was warm breath on the back of his neck and he shivered. "Ryo?" At least he hoped it was Ryo--  
  
"Yeah," Ryo whispered. "It's me."  
  
Tatsuya shivered again. He could almost feel Ryo's lips against the nape of his neck. "W-Why did you want me to close my eyes?" Tatsuya murmured, his heart thudding against his ribcage.  
  
"It's a surprise," Ryo chuckled. Tatsuya jumped as Ryo carefully touched his fingers to Tatsuya's elbow, slowly sliding down until he found his hand. "Is this okay?" Ryo asked softly, taking hold of Tatsuya's hand.  
  
"Yeah." More than okay. Ryo's hand was so warm...  
  
"Come with me."  
  
Ryo led him forward ever so gently, his fingers the only thing keeping Tatsuya grounded. He murmured soft words so Tatsuya would know which direction to walk in, each step unsure. "You trust me enough to do this?" Ryo whispered at one point, and Tatsuya didn't know if he was even meant to hear it.  
  
"Yes," he answered just as quietly, surprising himself with how easily the words slipped out of his mouth.  
  
Ryo said nothing but his grip on Tatsuya's hand tightened slightly. "Okay," he said, dropping Tatsuya's hand and touching him lightly on the shoulder. "You can open your eyes."  
  
Tatsuya took a deep breath and opened his eyes.  
  
There was a puppy lying on Ryo's bed, soft and tiny and black and white. Tatsuya gaped at it, looking between the little animal and Ryo's somewhat apprehensive face. "It's a puppy," Tatsuya said eventually, and Ryo laughed.  
  
"Yeah, that's exactly what it is," he said, and placed a hand on Tatsuya's lower back, pushing him gently towards the bed. "He's yours."  
  
"He's  _what_?" Tatsuya asked, stopping dead and staring at Ryo. "Mine?"  
  
"Yours," Ryo answered, flushing red. "Go pat him!" he laughed, when all Tatsuya did was stare. Tatsuya jumped a little before heading to the bed.  
  
The dog was still asleep, but cracked its eyes open when he felt the bed dip with Tatsuya's weight. "Hi," Tatsuya said quietly, and the puppy jumped up as if it had never been sleeping at all. He climbed onto Tatsuya's lap, tail wagging happily as he tried to lick Tatsuya's face. "Yes-- Hello to you too--" Tatsuya laughed, trying to keep the puppy down. "Why is he mine?" he asked, once the puppy had calmed down and Ryo had perched himself down next to them.  
  
"Do you not want him...?" Ryo asked, knowing the answer.  
  
"I want him!" Tatsuya yelped, looking embarrassed at his outburst.  
  
"Then what's the problem?" Ryo asked softly, stroking the puppy's fur as he curled up to Ryo.  
  
"There's no problem," Tatsuya said, watching Ryo's fingers. "It's just-- sudden, I guess. Unexpected. I love it-- I  _love_  it, don't get me wrong, but it just came out of nowhere."  
  
Ryo smiled. "Yeah, I guess," he answered. "But I didn't really want to leave you alone when I left." Tatsuya smiled, meeting Ryo's eyes and biting his lip.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Ryo's smile dropped slightly, and he continued hesitatingly. "And I-- I remember... someone... saying that you'd always wanted a dog. I wanted to do something nice for you, I guess-- Why are you looking at me like that?" Ryo asked, his throat suddenly dry at the intense look Tatsuya was giving him.  
  
"Thank you," Tatsuya whispered, leaning in close and pressing the tiniest kiss to Ryo's cheek. "That's-- That's so sweet..." he breathed. "Thank you so much."  
  
"I-It's fine," Ryo choked out, leaping off the bed before he could do anything further. "I-I think-- I need t-to call Jin or-- or something. Yeah. Okay." And with that he was gone.  
  
Tatsuya watched him go, a small smile still on his face. The puppy bumped his hand with its nose, asking for attention. "Oh, sorry," Tatsuya laughed, petting his head. "And what're we going to name you, little guy?"  
  
"You promised me chicken!" Ryo yelled from downstairs. "I gave you a puppy, I deserve chicken for dinner!"  
  
"I guess that'll have to wait," Tatsuya laughed, bundling the puppy up in his arms and kissing the top of his head.  
  
Tatsuya couldn't believe that Ryo  _remembered_.  
  


  
>>><<<

  
  
Shige was the one to think of a name for the puppy. "Call it Hermes," he said, and so Tatsuya did.  
  
"Sounds like herpes," Jin said. "Your dog is herpes. Kame, stay away from it."  
  
Kame rolled his eyes and whacked Jin in the stomach, ignoring his pained groan. "You're a fuckwit."  
  
"You still love me."  
  
"Probably the worst decision I ever made, to be honest."  
  
"You said 'best' wrong."  
  
"I hate him," Kame said, this time to Tatsuya, who was laughing. They had all come over - Shige, Jin, Kame and Koyama - in order to say good bye to Ryo. Ryo was none too impressed by the show of affection.  
  
"It's only two weeks!" he had snapped. "I'm not leaving forever!"  
  
"It'll feel like forever!" Jin had cried, flinging himself at Ryo over-dramatically and trying to kiss his face. "I'll miss you so much, Ryo-chan!"  
  
"Get the fuck off me--"  
  
"No-one wants my love," Jin said dejectedly, looking over to Shige with sad eyes. "You should love me, Shige."  
  
"...No."  
  
"I'll love you, Akanishi!" Koyama chirped from the kitchen.  
  
"Good!" Jin replied. "You'll be my next boyfriend, once Kamenashi sucks the life out of me."  
  
"Have fun," Kame deadpanned.  
  
Ryo reappeared with drinks, handing one to Tatsuya with a small smile before setting the rest on the coffee table and throwing himself on the couch next to him. "Hey," Ryo smirked. "How're things here?"  
  
"Hey," Tatsuya replied, gently stroking Hermes' fur. "He has a name now."  
  
"Oh crap, did you let Jin name it--"  
  
"No, I--"  
  
"Oh thank god," Ryo breathed, laughter dancing in his eyes. "You weren't here for the whole cat fiasco, were you?" Tatsuya shook his head, curious. "They got a cat. Kame wanted to name it something fancy. Jin ended up calling it 'Cat'." Tatsuya laughed, and Ryo chuckled. "So, what's his name?" he asked, nodding towards the sleepy puppy. Jin had tired him out.  
  
"Hermes," Tatsuya answered, and Ryo nodded.  
  
"Suits him," he said, before yawning and stretching his arms above his head. "Ah... I should get to bed. Gotta get up early."  
  
"Koyama, we're being thrown out," Shige groaned, standing and stretching himself before he realised his companion wasn't moving. "Koyama. Get up."  
  
"Oh, right..."  
  
"You two are staying?" Tatsuya asked Kame, who nodded.  
  
"We're taking Ryo to the airport," he said. "Though I don't remember making this deal," he added, glaring over at Jin, who had taken it upon himself to tie Kame's shoelaces together. Jin grinned cheekily.  
  
"Hi. I do things without consulting other people," he said through his grin. Kame growled.  
  
"Yes, you do--"  
  
"They'll sleep on the couches," Ryo said, coming back from seeing Koyama and Shige out. "Mainly because I refuse to give my bed to them."  
  
"Where'll Hermes stay?" Tatsuya asked, and Ryo laughed. "What?"  
  
"Nothing," Ryo answered, a little smile still on his face. "He'll stay wherever you want him to. He's yours; you get to make the decisions."  
  
"But it's your house--"  
  
"Our house," Ryo interrupted, leaning on the back of the couch and watching Tatsuya's hand stroke over the puppy's fur. "It's not just mine anymore."  
  
Tatsuya stared up at him, feeling happiness course through his body at Ryo's words. "Oh..." was all he could say, fighting down the smile that was trying to make its way onto his face.  
  
"Go to bed," Jin grumbled, untying his own shoes and falling sideways onto the couch. "I gotta get up early too."  
  
"And whose fault is that--"  
  
"Shut up."  
  


  
>>><<<

  
  
Tatsuya was lying in bed, a book in his hands, when Ryo knocked lightly on his door. "Come in," he called, setting his book aside. Ryo pushed the door open, smiling sheepishly. "What's wrong?" Tatsuya asked, cocking his head to the side.  
  
Ryo shook his head. "Not much." He perched down on the edge of Tatsuya's bed, staring at his own hands. Hermes was lying next to Tatsuya, happily chewing the toy Koyama had brought for him. "I don't want to go tomorrow," Ryo admitted with a shy laugh.  
  
"But you have to," Tatsuya replied, not understanding why. "For work, right?"  
  
Ryo nodded, still watching his own hands. "I know, I know."  
  
Something was still wrong, Tatsuya could feel it. "What is it?" he asked softly. "You're not telling me something."  
  
Ryo's eyes were dark and unreadable when he looked at him. "Yeah," was all he said. "I'm gonna miss you," he added after a while, with a small chuckle.  
  
"I'll miss you too," Tatsuya replied. "Is everything okay?"  
  
"Yeah," Ryo answered. "I'm fine."  
  
He didn't look fine, not one bit. But Tatsuya dropped the subject, knowing how it felt to have a problem he didn't want to talk about. And then he did something very, very brave.  
  
"Wanna sleep here tonight?" he asked, surprised at the strength of his own voice as Ryo lifted his head to stare at him increduously. Ryo's eyes were beautiful, all dark and expressive, and Tatsuya really kind of loved them.  
  
Ryo said nothing, but Tatsuya took the silence to mean 'yes'. He slid over in the bed, a tiny smile on his face as he lifted the covers. "Come on, then," he murmured. Hermes made a sound and padded to the bottom of the bed, quickly moving to eat his toy some more.  
  
Ryo took a deep breath, insecurity shining in his eyes as he carefully slipped beneath the covers and pulled them up. Tatsuya grinned and went back to his book, hyper-aware of Ryo's warmth next to him.  
  
"I'm really gonna miss you," Ryo repeated, tearing Tatsuya from his book once more.  
  
"And I'll miss you," Tatsuya answered, staring down at the words printed on the paper.  
  
Ryo shifted until he was lying down, watching Tatsuya finger with the pages of the book. "I should... go to sleep," he said, touching Tatsuya's wrist lightly. "Good night."  
  
"Good night."  
  
Neither slept much that night, each wrapped up in his own thoughts about the next day.  
  


  
>>><<<

  
  
Tatsuya woke before Ryo, but he didn't move. Ryo's arm was thrown over Tatsuya's waist and it was all kinds of nice, and warm, and comfortable; Tatsuya didn't know if he could move even if he wanted to. Ryo's warm breath caressed the back of his neck with every exhale, something that should be kind of annoying but it's  _not_ , and Tatsuya doesn't know why.  
  
Just when Tatsuya began to wonder if he should wake Ryo or not, he stirred, groaning against Tatsuya's hair and stretching. Tatsuya felt Ryo jump and his arm stiffen; Tatsuya wondered if he was going to retract his arm right away. But he didn't, not fully. Ryo moved his hand to Tatsuya's hip, slowly massaging the skin right where his shirt began to ride up with his thumb. Tatsuya shivered in his fake sleep, trying to ignore the way it made him feel.  
  
"Shit," he heard Ryo whisper; maybe he had just checked the time. Ryo groaned again and Tatsuya felt him sit up, and then... nothing. His thumb was still drawing circles on his waist.  
  
Ryo slid off the bed, taking his warmth with him. He heard Ryo sigh again before leaving, and that was when Tatsuya allowed himself to turn over and open his eyes. He wondered if Ryo would come back to say good bye.  
  
Tatsuya heard noises from downstairs; Jin and Kame helping Ryo with his luggage into the car. Tatsuya remembered that Jin was to drive him to the airport. There was muffled talk, Ryo and Jin and Kame and Ryo again, and then hurried footfalls on the steps coming back up. Tatsuya quickly closed his eyes once more as Ryo padded into his room.  
  
"Hey," Ryo called softly. "I gotta go now," he said, his voice coming closer until he was kneeling next to the bed. "I don't want to though," he laughed, "But I'll be back. Kame'll look after you. And Shige. Not that you need looking after anymore." Ryo's hand came up to gently stroke Tatsuya's cheek, sending another shiver through Tatsuya's body. "I couldn't leave without saying good bye, though," he said. "So. Good bye, Tatsuya."  
  
The bed dipped as Ryo used it to lift himself up, and Tatsuya once again missed his warmth. He was almost gone when he turned back and paused, thinking hard about something. Then his footsteps were coming closer once more, quickly, as if to get to his destination before he changed his mind.  
  
Then there were soft lips against Tatsuya's own; just a whisper of a kiss, really. And he was gone, running down the stairs and slamming the door on his way out, leaving Tatsuya alone in bed and running his fingers over his lips.  
  
Tatsuya smiled. Not a normal smile, but a smile that one can only smile when the person you love has kissed you. A smile that says  _I'm happy. I'm in love, and I'm happy._  
  
He was happy. And completely, utterly, in love.  
  
  
\--end of chapter 15


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